Monthly Short - New Year and Dessert

What I am Thinking about...
The New Year, Dah....
We returned from Las Vegas yesterday, and it made me think that the coach work is very similar to the Uber/Lyft/Taxi drivers. We knew where we wanted to go, we even had a car, but who wants to drive to the strip and find parking? Not us... So we called an Uber Driver. This is what I do, I help people to get from where they are to where they want to go. The only thing that might be different is that you don't need to speak with an Uber driver.
Anyway.... New Year, New Goals, Resolution, One Word for the year. This is all so stressful. Everyone one around sending emails to my inbox with how I need to renew myself and become successful and work to become a better self, and it is just... exhausting, and stressful and... maybe for some it works well, but maybe, if I can suggest to train yourself to work on long-term progress, rather than waiting for the New Year to start? 
Especially after this holiday season, with packages all over the place and Amazon prime drivers, and FedEx and UPS everywhere... I  believe we became the Amazon Prime generation. We get used to getting things at our front door in two days or less, and if it takes longer we get restless. But you know what? it takes time to create a change. Maybe the New Year is a good place to start, but I dare you to look beyond the two weeks of changing something in your life, even 30 days... take it to the long run. Ask yourself, what is it that I want to change that can stay with me for years? 

What inspired me this month?
The Dessert. Raising the kids in New York city made our traveling life and our move to North Carolina very challenging. For our kids, many cities and the living in North Carolina itself feels like the desert. My husband and I thought that if this is what our teenage kids think maybe we can plan a revenge trip and take them to a real desert? We tried the desert in Israel a few years ago but they stayed in the car. It was just too hot. So they had no excuses when we traveled to Las Vegas at Christmas. Not only that, we made sure to take them to the Death Valley. Who can enjoy a death valley? My teenage kids of course. 
Yes, I am kidding, we knew it will be beautiful, walking in dunes, sand-rocks with different colors, salt lake? It was heaven. I love the desert. As a college girl I used to take school kids to hike in the Israeli desert and that's when I realized how much beauty and magic you can find in this yellowish scenic. I didn't realize until our move to North Carolina how much nature is important to me. You see, not like us, nature is always present. Think about your dog, when you come back home it smiles at you, they are present with you (okay, maybe they think future forward about the food you will give them, although that might be more of a cat thing?) but really animals are always present, they don't have a destination point or goals. Their goal is to live. So this where I am going to contradict some of what I have written in my first paragraph and invite you to be in nature and forget about your future. Enjoy the colors, enjoy the greatness of nature and the quiet it can bring to your head/life/career/relationships.

My Most Watched Video this Month
I stopped my car to touch the snow. It was after being 3 days in the house and having the cabin fever. Check my video here

Monthly Short - Butterflies


Can I be honest and share that I edited this part more than a few times? It reminded me of a situation I had a few years ago when I was not able to write even one single word. I was so frustrated and tried different ways to understand how can I get out of this mess. For years I dragged myself in circles because I believed  “my English is not good enough,” but my ah-ha moment was when I learned that my overachiever didn’t approve any of my writing, even before I put anything on paper. My thoughts defeated me even before I actually put any word on the paper. But by acknowledging that it is not others’ approval I am searching for but my consent, something interesting/weird happened; I was able to write! Not only that I was able to write, but I could also sense it internally, It was as I have had little butterflies in me, the butterflies got excited when they liked what I was writing about. So now when the butterflies say yes, I can keep going with this email. Hence the glass of red wine was helpful too... :-)

My Most Watched Video Last Month
 On social media 
One of the most watched videos I posted in November was an inspirational short about kindness. It was Monday and also the world Kindness day. I wanted to invite us all to bring attention to the people around us and do something kind. Many studies show that being kind to others, as well as to yourself can make you feel better, especially if your health is not where you want it to be. When we are kind to others, we shift our attention from our worry and frustration to focus our thinking on someone else.  There is no need for big projects to be kind, the simpler you make it, the more you will do it.
December can be very stressful for many people, so find a moment to be kind to self or to others. 
Click here to check out the video - it is only 1 minute.
 For more 1-minute inspirational shorts/on the run videos check my Instagram account and follow me @NoaRCoach

Monthly Shorts - FAITH

What I am Thinking about...
I am thinking a lot about faith. A few years ago I read the book "Think and Grow Rich" written by Napoleon Hill, if you haven't read this book yet, do yourself a favor and read it. I believe it is the bible or foundation of any other business book out there, period. Napoleon Hill wrote this book during the depression time learning from the people who succeed during that time and explains the road to success in a way that not many books were able to add on to his core ideas.
Anyway, one of the main cornerstones that are mentioned in this book is FAITH. That moment that you keep trusting yourself when everyone around you think that you are crazy, or any other word you want to add to the list. Now, a little background, my parents grew up in a Kibbutz in Israel, which means that as a child our family didn't give too much attention to religion or faith. It is not just me, it is most of the people around me who grew up this way. When I read Napoleon Hills Book it made me think a lot about faith and what does it mean to me, but I could sense how uncomfortable I am. I became curious about "that place" where you truly believe that what you are creating and the path you chose are meaningful. I thought I understand it. But today during my run, while looking at the trees and cars and the still water and the leaves I realized that in 2018 I learned to understand faith. You see I took an oath this year to believe in what others still can't. Sometimes we can see for others what they cannot see for themselves. So many times in my life people were able to see the spark in me when I was still too messy to see it myself. They called on me and asked me to show up. But sometimes people are not even ready to be called on, and that's okay, all we can do is believe that they will, one day. Some of you might be way way ahead of me in this game of faith. It is okay, I am where I am. What I do know, is faith is not an uncomfortable word for me anymore. I say that Faith it that quiet moment that makes you feel at peace.

Have you Considered Networking? 3 Assumptions We Make About Networking

“Have you considering Networking?” How many of you made the same face my clients or others make when I ask them this question?

Networking Noa Ronen Coaching

 I know, I know, there are rare people, somewhat like the lions in the savannah that when I ask the Networking question their answer will be: “I love Networking, bring it on!” with a spark in their eyes. Yes, there are a few of those, but many people do not enjoy networking.

 In this article, I would like to invite you to consider a new way of approaching Networking. A new intention if I can suggest.

A few weeks ago one of my clients burst into a long monologue about how much they hate Networking. I get it. Believe me, I do.

 
Selling Me vs. Meeting People

I am pretty good with one on one conversations, but when I had to enter a big room full with strange people, I could sense how uncomfortable I was. Still, in that gap between my car/a train and a big event, I can sense how my body is closing on me. When I started my coaching business I remember telling others that there is a big distinction between selling a product you believe in and selling yourself to others. By the way, it is the same experience when you are trying to share a vision you care about or letting people know you are looking for a job.

You see, entering a room with that mindset and the assumption that what you do is selling can put you at unrest. But with time I learned that when I go into a networking event, it is not about selling me, it is about meeting people and learn about them. Now if you are a giver, who focus on being always for the other, hold on and please pay attention; I didn’t mean that your job is to come into a room with the intention to allow everyone else to talk and for you to cheer them up and ask yourself how you can help them, you are there to introduce yourself like anyone else. But rather than coming in an intention of selling conversation, come with the intention to connect. Focus on meeting cool people.

I am better with one on one conversations
Exactly! I am better with one on one conversations too. And this is your goal.
When you enter a networking event, your intention should be on how you find cool people who trigger your curiosity. People that when you talk with them, you enjoy the conversation and would love to keep the dialogue in a week or two. There are many reasons why the two of you would like to meet with each other for a one on one meeting. It might be that this is the third event you see each other and it is time to meet, or it might be that you have areas of focus that complete each other, or you see a potential of referring to each other, or they might work/ed in a company that you are trying to apply for a job opportunity. You see, the focus is NOT about selling yourself, it is about meeting exciting people and creating opportunities for you (and them) to meet with each other for a more in-depth conversation and develop relationships.

 
But if I I intend to create relationships, how can I sell my service or product or my need for a job?

Before I answer this question, let me ask you another question (this is what coaches do very well). When you come to a networking event or one on one meeting and the person who you are meeting with is talking about themselves for a big portion of the meeting. If you are at a big event, you can sense that while they are talking with you they are browsing with their eyes for other potential opportunities and focus more on their exchanging business cards rather than who you are and what are your needs. How that person made you feel?

When I ask this questions in a big room, I always get the same answers:

  • I feel unheard and invisible.

  • I think that they are using me to get what they want, but they don’t care about me.

  • They only care about their pitch they don’t care about people.

You see? In the end, we all want others to listen to our wants and needs. We want to be seen, be heard and acknowledged. This is why when you connect with people, remember to see them as people, and not as objects to serve your needs and make them feel invisible.

Get curious about their wants, get curious about who they are, ask questions, challenge yourself to find something interesting about them – and try to identify what are the interesting points that connect the two of you. This is a good way to share your story from their need and create a deeper connection.

 

But if I spend so much time with few people how can I reach to as many as possible so they can help me?

In the end, no one will help you if they don’t know you. People help people they know, it is rare for a stranger to help you find a job, or support your business if they don’t know you. This is why I teach my clients to attend the same places consistently. There are many groups you can join or volunteer with; Meet Up is a great place to find your people. If you like to workout find a group, you want and show up every time. If you have the time I would suggest to volunteer with an organization, there is no better way to get to know people and leaders in the organization and your community than volunteering with a committee, the board or other projects. Ask yourself how likely are you to recommend someone on your running group who you speak with twice a week for a long time vs. a person you met for a quick 5 minutes’ conversation in a networking event?

 

There is no networking police
If the thought of meeting so many people in a networking event can sound daunting, exhausting and frustrating, especially for the introverts in the room. Here is a tip I share with my clients and my audience: “There is no networking police in networking events.” Let me suggest a different approach, rather than meeting all the people in the room and having short and non-meaningful conversations, go into a room and find one or two people that you can have a deep and meaningful conversations. After you had that experience, if you are done, go. No one is there to report your short attendance or stats about how many people you met. The more you work on the muscle of networking you will feel less exhausted and create opportunities rather than frustration and many shallow conversations that take you nowhere.

 

What is one new intention you can bring or practice in your next networking, conference or other events?

 

Master Walking his Talk

TKWND.jpg

One of my favorite spots is our downtown Coffee shop. As a coffee lover, a latte is my favorite drink. My coffee has to have the right aroma and right taste, and I know that in this coffee shop, no matter who makes my coffee it will taste the same. 

A few days ago when I entered the coffee shop, I was surprised to see my kids’ Taekwondo teacher assistant, or as they call it: The Master’s Assistant. When he saw me entering the coffee shop, he stood up and bowed toward me. 

When my three kids joined the Taekwondo studio the Master taught us, the parents and the kids, that when we all enter the studio, we bow, when the kids go on the mattress or off the mattress, they bow. When the Master and other instructors hand you something you bow, and when you hand something to the Master he bows. 

When you bow, it signifies not only respect for your Master and classmates but respect for yourself, for the art of Taekwondo and your life in general. It is a universal gesture that signifies respect and appreciation. It is as they say without words: “I see you.”

When my teenage kids came for the free trial lesson, I could see something in their eyes and stance that I haven’t seen for a while. The Master was able to ask for respect and discipline from the students, but at the same time, he also showed respect for each student.

As you know, this is an experience that teenage kids don’t always have. I believe that most of the time when you enter teenage phase two things happen at the same time; While observing the world and the adults they are trying to understand what’s good/right and what’s bad/wrong and with those categories, they observe the adults and the world as a whole. It feels at time as they have much judgment regarding the way adults behave. They are watching closely to see if the adults are walking their talk in alignment with what they expect from the kids. 

That day, when my kids took the trial class, I could see that because the Master’s respected all students and at the same time almost demand respect, they saw the Master, an adult, whom his walking his talk. I could sense how their energy is shifting during and after the class; it was magic. 

Back to the coffee shop, when the assistant Master bowed toward me, I have to admit that I was inspired. This young man who has a dream to be a Taekwondo Master walked his talk. In today’s world, I feel that many of us walk conflicted. We behave one way in the office and another way when we leave the office.

When I mentor new coaches or coach business owners they will talk with passion about the deep conversations they have with their clients. However, when they leave the office, when they are outside with other people who are not their clients they let go of their gifts, and it is as they don't know how to utilize their strengths the same way. They hold a value or strength strongly with one group of people and don't know how to access it, how to use it in other areas in life. 

 

This young man knows that there is a long way for him to become a master. Even when you receive the black belt, the journey is still long. He also understands that part of his journey to become a master is to model Master behavior everywhere he goes. He holds the values of his Art strongly no matter where he goes and whom he speaks to.

I think that for some of us, doing what he did, stand up and bow in the middle of a coffee shop might sound strange, but when you walk your talk, you hold your values, thoughts and behaviors aligned no matter where you go or what others think. You stay true to what is most important to you even when others don't get it.

Do you feel a gap right now between the way you show up in one place and the way you show up in other areas of your life? I want to invite you to notice yourself. Notice your behavior, thoughts, and actions. Where does everything feel aligned? Where do you feel out of balance?

Gradually add one thing you do well to every aspect of your life and see what is available when you bring it everywhere. 

For example, curiosity, if you are curious at home, with your friends and strangers, but lack curiosity at work, try to bring curiosity to everything you do and everywhere you go. Ask, ask and ask even more and see what the impact on your life or others is. 

You might lose your balance even when you work on it, but the more you notice yourself and your gaps you will expand who you are and grow.

Isolation

Many times when I speak with leaders I sense that the higher they climb the leadership ladder the lonelier they might feel.

Masterminds

Isolation, I remember the first time I heard that word related to my life context. Few years after our relocation, someone I met told me that I probably have a deep sense of isolation. Leaving our family, friends, and career behind was a very isolating experience for me. Until that person used the word ‘isolation’, I knew there was something, but I couldn’t point my fingers on, but that person nailed it. They were able to express the word I couldn’t find to explain what I had felt for so long. Isolation is one of the deepest experiences you have after relocation, not only you feel alone and isolated, but you tend to isolate yourself. Not because you plan to do so, it is just a natural way to be when you have the feeling that every time you leave your house you feel different than the rest around you.

The second time I chose to use the word isolation was during my last leadership role. You see, there is that unique paradox in leadership. Leaders lead, and when they lead others they need to connect with them, they need to communicate their passion and vision so people will choose to follow them.  When you enjoy leading processes and people this is an exciting experience, but mostly you can not escape the challenge and sometimes the challenge becomes a drama. I could sense in some moments how I escalate when I stepped into the path of a challenge with another person, or a difficult situation. I can even sense how I want to dive into the drama. But with experience, you learn how to manage yourself and see what are your options in the situation. But here is the thing, many times when you are there, in the challenge, you are there all alone. Sometimes your friends are part of the organization and you choose not to gossip about the situation, and again, the higher you go the harder it becomes to share your challenges. With some leaders sharing their challenge might look like they share their weakness, a path they are not willing to take. So what’s left? a mentor or a coach can help you go through the experiences and learn what you can do better, or help you make a new choice, make a different decision, or show up differently. These are one, or two hours in a timeline of many constant struggles, where the leader feels alone.
This is when the sense of isolation showed up again, how can I support myself, especially as an extrovert persona who needs to talk through her challenges with others, how can I go through this experience on my worn? There were many moments of frustration, and a huge need for self-care until I found few different ways to support myself beyond my coach and my mentor. I started with a friend a masterminds group.

Masterminds group was one of my wants, to have conversations with a diverse group of leaders and business owners from different business areas and different perspectives. The main thing that connects us all is our want to be challenged by others, willingness for a new perspective and a deep want to grow as people. It is amazing to see the changes that each one of us went through since we started this group, and this is one of my favorite meetings each month. There is something compelling about knowing that others have challenges as you, and it is inspiring to listen to their vision, creations and willingness to share.

This is when a new idea started percolating. What if I could engage the structure I have created in different Masterminds groups and we could meet outside? There is nothing better than facing your challenge in nature with other bright minds around.  I allowed myself to take some time and think it through, I asked different people for their feedback and then reached out to my friend Ronen Divon who is an integrative healer, yoga teacher and focus on energy work and we co-created a masterminds group that engages mind, spirit, and body.

I am very excited about this program, you know this newsletter is for sharing my messy ideas, and experiences, but feeling messy as a leader created this program, because I can see the need with my clients who are busy people, who never have the time to support themselves, nor to breath but crave walking in nature, or having a deep conversation with another human being while just being themselves.

I believe with all my heart that the more leaders connect with other leaders rather than isolating themselves they can create more impact in our community and beyond.

If you are curious to learn more about this program click here, and if you have a friend or collogue that you think might gain from this program would you be willing to spread the word and share with them?

My question to you – are there areas in your life where you isolate yourself?