The Being of the System is an idea I developed and shared in my book "BEyond Leadership." Following the book, I recorded a video series called "Lean Back," inviting leaders to create space for themselves and their people to reflect and innovate. It is the "best of" my coaching conversations and tips with executive leaders.

The first part focused solely on grief. Click here to check it out. The second part focuses on how systems are "acting out" in times of change.

I dedicate this two-part article to anyone who is feeling immense pain and grief right now due to work of life transitions/change. This is my way of sending love and light to anyone who would like to embrace what is in this two-part article in whatever need and way suits them or would like to share with someone who will gain from reading these articles.

My daughter started to work in a restaurant to support her rent as a student in NYC. A month into her new job, her manager left, two new managers replaced the one who left, and seven new team members were recruited to do the same position she did. She called me frustrated and concerned about the change. She misses her old boss; everything was so much easier with him. And what if the new managers do not like her and send her home? She only works part-time, and the new seven work full-time; maybe she is less valuable. I could hear the concern in her voice. She is only four weeks into her new "real job," and already a change that is quite big for her. Change is never easy, I told her, and I know you appreciated your old manager; he was very kind to you. I believe that restaurants have high turnover, and in many places, if possible, they will recruit a bit more staff than they really need. You already mentor the new employees, so that's a good sign! Your managers have trusted your abilities since you started. And, I added, take this work change as an opportunity for growth. She was unhappy with my last sentence, but I kept going (I am used to my young adult kids not appreciating my words of wisdom when they need consolation.) Today's reality for your generation (Z) is that you will experience change every few months: Technology, people, Reorg. If you don't get used to it now when you work as a part-time employee as a student in a restaurant, you will find it more challenging to adjust to change in your following jobs. Take this experience as an opportunity to work on the muscle of change and resiliency; the earlier you learn it, the easier it will be for you.

Years ago, if you didn't like working for a fast-paced, growing organization that was constantly changing, you would have considered moving to a larger one. Large-size organizations moved slower, and you could have settled down and done your work with less stress.

Buy not today! No matter who I talk to or coach, large organizations, small organizations, for-profit or not-for-profit. Everyone has experienced nonstop change and life transitions in the past few years.

Smaller organizations choose to grow or reinvent themselves to have leverage over the large ones. In contrast,

large organizations learned that to stay relevant, creative, and even agile, they must shake things up, primarily by reorganizing their teams. Every few months, they move people around to create a "startup experience" that will keep their people on their toes. One leader told me a few years ago: "Oh, since we talked, the leaders announced a new reorg. They say here that if you don't like the change, anyway, it won't last more than 7-10 months, so it's okay." Bitter joke…

So, if "Change" became our new reality, why is it still so hard? Why do we find it challenging as leaders to influence or lead a change? I believe it's because of what I call The Being of the System.

I believe that two main energies lead our way:

The DOING energy is the energy that facilitates actions.
The BEING energy consists of our thoughts, emotions, fears, aspirations, perspectives, and limiting beliefs.

The Being and Doing energies do not compete with each other, but mostly, there is one that is more dominant than the other. As I shared in my first article, we redefine who we are in the new reality in times of change and transition (even when positive). The experience of redefining who we are and saying goodbye to the old one is a shape of grief.

For example, promotion can bring thoughts and emotions of who I am without the friendships of my former team members. Who am I going to be when I lead a new team? Or who am I going to be in this new company? Before I was a Subject Matter Expert, everyone reached out for my expertise, but now, in the new company, people need to earn my trust to see me as one. This redefinition of ourselves is about saying goodbye to our old selves and accepting or embracing a new one. No matter if this experience is invited or not, we will experience some level of grief. This is when the being energy is more dominant, and it is very challenging to move into action. Even if we try to move, it feels like we put a lot of energy with little progress.

When leaders lead change, not one, but many in the system, have the same experience and try to redefine: who are they going to be in this change? No matter how much the leader attempts to push the system to move into action with the change they lead, the Being of the System will slow them down and even stop them.

Let's look at a situation where a leader ignored the Being of the system and moved too quickly into action and how the system slowed them down.

One of the leaders I worked with had to take her team through Reorg. The team will move to a Matrix structure. If people previously reported to one manager, now they will report to many. The authority of the managers was not clear as often when an organization chose to shift into a matrix structure. It was a significant change for the company. This leader prepared for this change and how to communicate it for a long time. From strategic planning to role plays, she was ready for the change. She even did some work on her own resistance to the new way of work.

After communicating the change to her team, the leader I coached met with the new team. They took a few moments for intros, and then she jumped into a working session. She wanted to discuss the gaps she identified with the management team and how the team could improve on those gaps. The conversation with the new management team did not go as expected.

"You won't believe how sarcastic they were, I was not able to achieve any productive conversation with them. I am surprised by how resistant and disrespectful they were!"

What do you think?

Let me reframe this experience. I don't think the management team was resisting the change, nor was it disrespectful. I believe the leader ignored the Being of the System in the room.

When we lead a change, we must remember that, unlike our people, we have a long time to prepare and process the new situation. While the leader had time to process her thoughts, emotions, and even resistance with her peers, her direct leader, her HR business partner, the consulting firm, and even me, her coach, her team did not have the opportunity to process their thoughts, emotions, and views about this new situation.

What could this leader have done differently? Rather than jumping right away to action, closing the gaps, and discussing the following steps, she could have addressed the Being of the system and created space for people to express their thoughts, emotions, concerns, aspirations, questions, and clarifications. By DOING that, she ignored the Being energy of the system (the team) in the room.

We need to remember that when people go through a change process, they need time to digest this new situation and go through different emotions, concerns, beliefs, and views. While my client, the leader, was going through this process with the executive team to prepare for this change for over a year, the new team had a few days to process the new situation. They were still not ready to move into action.

When you see people slowing you down or stopping you, it's your signal that there is a need to address the Being energy of the system and not avoid it or rush too quickly to the Doing.

Lean back and reflect on an uncomfortable situation where you notice the system using sarcasm, criticism, gossiping, acting out, or any other re-action that slows you down or stops you from moving to action. This is an invitation for you to take new action.

Here are a few next steps you can take to approach the system in a new way and prepare yourself for these conversations:

Name the experience: what is it that you notice with the system?- What's going on, team? - What questions do you have following what I have shared with you?
Meet the team where they are
You have already processed your emotions, thoughts, and concerns – now they need the space and time. Maybe they just need to express it openly if you create the space for them.
Ask open-ended questions to address their Being energy. What are some thoughts that you have?- Or any other open-ended question that can address thoughts, emotions, concerns, or views.
Oh! And one more important step – a relationship is a two-way road.

Don't forget to share where you stand and your view on this new situation: "I think it won't be easy; there is a lot of work ahead of us, but I also know you are a strong team, and the members here are experts in what they do." Part of building trust with your new team is for them to hear what you feel and think as their leader.

So, how would you pay attention to the Being of the System next time you lead a change?

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