The Guide For Your New Reality @Covid-19 Era: #1 Working From Home With Kids

A few days ago, an executive with young children decided not to cancel our coaching call even though his kids were on his laps, while his wife was taking a conference call with clients in the home office. "I am sorry," he said, "it was the choice between canceling our call or the choice of taking the time with you to recover, get clarity and get your help preparing for a challenging conversation right after our call. So I decided to keep our session with my kids in the background - I hope you understand. I am really sorry." I do understand.

As a professional coach, I get to hear the two sides of the coin: how managers experience a situation and how employees experience it, and there is a lot of learning that I think is essential to share with you. I believe that not only our life is changing now, but it will also impact on how we do things afterward and how the "new normal" will look like when life "go back to normal." This is why I decided to create the SOS series of articles that can help you cope and get a new perspective on your work and life challenges in the covid-19 reality.

"I am sorry," 

So like many others, in the past few weeks, many of my clients shifted their calls with me or meeting in-person to remote calls from home. I see clients who need to share office space with their partner; I see clients who work from their living room next to their toddler's rug filled with toys, I see clients who have to talk with me while their kids are playing and asking them a question, or crying because they don't want to take a nap. An apology always follows the kids (or pets) interruptions. Don't they know I understand?

We Are in a Grace Period

If you are one of those parents that work from home, sharing the office with your partner, your pets, and your kids. Stop feeling that you need to apologize when your kids make noise or sit on your lap, or when you forgot to unmute yourself when you yelled at them to be quiet. Yes, before some of those behaviors were "unprofessional," but this is a time of grace. What do I mean by that? 

Most managers care. Most of my executives' clients care for their people. They take the time to think with me how they can help their people, how they can make sure their people feel supported, what is the best way to communicate with their people without being over-controlling, and even how they can create space for their people so they don't feel overwhelmed.

This IS a Time of Change

Do you feel not professional because your kids need attention and food rather than sitting all day long in front of their screens? This is not easy, but what if we reframe "not professional" and realize that part of our roles as parents is to be professional with our kids too? They need care, running outside, and even some structure. We feel that this is just a temporary situation. Still, I believe that the sentence: "This is how we do business" is breaking into little pieces and will challenge companies and organizations to listen to their people who will demand a new reality that will not go back to the old normal. Things will change after this change. Look around, all the "right" ways of doing things are fading, and suddenly almost everyone is okay with getting messy and moving processes fast to make things work even if not in a perfect way.

Here are a few steps you can take to help yourself or your team feel better about working from home with kids:

Managers:

1. Can You Imagine this? Many couples are sharing one office space with their partner who works too. It is not easy with babysitters or grandparents are out of the question. As one of my c-suite clients shared with me: "I have piles of dishes in my kitchen, piles of laundry, I didn't get to the supermarket, and after my workday ends I need to take care of the house, I am so tired and have no support system."

2. Reality check - I don't believe kids will go back to school this year, how long do you think kids can sit in front of the screens with no attention?

3. Let them know - don't assume your working parents think you understand, mostly they don't. So let them know.

4. Let them know again - Pick up the phone and ask how they are doing.

5. Design the new reality - ask your people what do they need. It is okay to ask for some structure, but make sure to design it in a way that works for both sides and that you have tangible steps.

6. Say Thank You - let them know you see they are making an effort.
   

Parents:

1. Stop apologizing and give yourself permission to be a parent - you are not alone; you didn't choose to work this way, nor have this reality.

2. Talk to your manager and find a win-win- if your manager didn't say anything and you feel like you should have a conversation, let them know that you need some understanding. Maybe there is a way for you to design together a flexible time that suits your personal needs and working goals.

When things go out of control - who said coronavirus?

Hey There, 

Here I am with my monthly short, hope it goes well with your coffee/tea break.

What am I thinking about? like many of us...what can we do when things go out of control? Does it sound familiar right now?

When I woke up the morning of January 2020, it felt right: “it is my year, 2020 is my year. I will have the book published I will have more speaking gigs all around the US, and I am already coaching the people I want, executive, 2020 will defiantly be a great year.”

But for some reason, the end of February after a great beginning of the year, things started having a twist: snowstorm canceled an event, every problem possible to publish my book happened, which brought me into tears of frustration and now some March and April speaking events are being rescheduled because of the coronavirus. So rather than sitting and ranting, I decided that I am going to write this because it seems like the coronavirus, like business and leadership and life in general, throws on our way the unexpected which makes us feel out of control. When people start their business or step into a new leadership role, they think they figured it out – I am going to do it on my own I am here because I figured everything out, and I am ready to do this S#!^ with no problem! But then they realize that most of the stuff they learned on their MBA or leadership program didn’t prepare them for many of the challenges they will encounter in real life; people who will stand in their way, ideas that they thought will work and they didn't, a presentation they have worked on until they felt they nailed it, but was still not clear and left the wrong impression on the CEO.

The corona is a reminder that we can’t control everything, I see leaders who need to learn to manage remotely for the first time and feel like they are losing control on their team, I see people afraid that they might lose their business because they can’t travel and sell their product, and there is just fear in general as happened to one of my clients who called with me from the CVS parking lot after trying to find sanitizer for their family with no success….

In my book, I talk about the phase of AwareMess – when we learn about a blindspot, something we didn't know we do or missed seeing, and started working on that area to become the person we want. AwareMess is when we are trying to figure out how to move from point A to the desired –– point B. If we go back to the sanitizer, my client knew she probably wouldn’t find it at CVS. Like many of us, she will need to figure out a new way to sanitize her hands. Some were fast and bought alcohol and Aloe Vera gel to make their own, but now when those materials are out of stock, how are we going to figure out how to protect ourselves? AwareMess is that space where we are willing to do everything to figure out a solution to take care of our family and ourselves – there have to be a solution and you will be willing to get messy until you figure it out! What’s good about this phase is that survival will push us to let go of doing things correctly and experiment and be creative. I can’t wait to see what will show up soon to win the sanitizer shortage.

In moments of no control, like the one, we have right now with the coronavirus. Take a moment and ask yourself: what is it right now in this crazy situation when I feel I am losing control in so many ways – what is it that I can learn from this experience?

What it is I can learn from seeing my team not communicating with me when we move to remote communication? How can I make it as an opportunity to grow my leadership? For example? If you plan to move into more leadership roles, you probably will find yourself leading teams all around the world and will step into leading remotely. So can try and control your team, or you can realize you have never had the need to communicate this way and will need to create with them a new form of communication and even set some boundaries to the how-tos.

So what is one thing you think you were meant to learn from this crazy time in our life?

 Oh! and you can book my book - click here - no better time to relax with a good book than now ;-)

February Love & Paradoxes

So how are you doing? and Being?

Isn't that interesting that even though we want to ask people how do they feel we use action-oriented questions? I love paradoxes. and there is no better month to write about what I love than the month of love - February.

Here is what I am thinking about: Paradoxes and Love

I love when someone tells me they have a growth mindset but they realized they actually had a fixed mindset about themselves, I love when a client shares their challenge with another person who is black and white and then I notice that my client wears a black and white stripe shirt – it makes me smile. I love when in the nothing something shows up, I love when I fight working on something and when I surrender I find the answer. I love being noticed and getting attention (for example having my hair colored with some blue), but I also like to hide behind my screen and be in the quiet. And I love it when I post a video on LinkedIn and I think it will be a big hit but no one responds and then I post a video that I think everyone will think is old news and everyone gets excited about it. 

 The definition of the word Paradox is a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well-founded or true.

 The biggest paradox that I love it when a new client tells me they don’t move to action because of a certain reason. The paradox is that It is never that reason that stops them from moving into action. Never!

I believe that it all comes to how we frame the problem. An interesting concept to notice is when we have a problem and for some reason, we believe that our solution is the only one that will solve the problem. This is when we get in trouble: we focus on a specific solution that shifts all our energy and attention toward reaching this one solution, which might not even be the right one for us, but we believe it is the only possible way to address the problem – and then we avoid action.

I call it hidden focus – those hidden focuses mislead us to take on wrong actions, or not move into actions at all.

Don’t you love it? maybe you don’t because you feel stuck! But if you learn that this is a tendency you have – you can catch yourself and shift.

Shift + Alt + Delete – don’t you love those three buttons that can help us restart when we get in trouble or stuck? But if you push the all three too early – they can delete everything and get you in trouble.

Absurd, Self-contradicting, just like us – don’t you love it?

2020 Let's Go!

So how are you doing? Did you have a nice Holiday Season? Did you start thinking about what you would like to accomplish in the next decade?
 
I wrote a long paragraph about the energy when you start the year and decided to drop it, yes enough with the New Year’s conversation, let’s move on!
But here is something that I did think about when I watched Wonder Woman with my daughter the day after New Years'.
 
What I am thinking about? Wonder Woman and that little thing that is telling us what to do.
A few years later, maybe because of my annual visit to Israel I decided to watch Wonder Woman (stared by Gal Gadot the Israeli Actress) with my daughter. There was a moment at the beginning of the movie that I really liked. Wonder Woman saves an American spy that gets by mistake to their amazon hidden island, she is intrigued by him, by human beings and his watch and asks him what is it for? He explains that the watch tells the time; when to eat, sleep, wake up, work. To that, Wonder Woman answers: “You let this little thing to tell you what to do?” it made me dive into this philosophical debate with self, as I do once in a while, how we humans let the watch tell us what to do. How our world would have looked like without telling the time? What makes us pay so much attention to birthdays and New Years Days?
What would be possible if we would have broken the norms and decided for ourselves when to eat, sleep, work?
 
Events
While pondering on breaking the rules, I wanted to share with you that I will speak locally about the BEyond leadership (also the theme of my book to be published next month!) at the Triangle HR association. I would love it if you can join me. January 23rd, 11 AM – 1 PM at the RTP Foundation, 12 Davis Drive. Durham, North Carolina 27709
Sign up here

When You Lead from their Time
By the way, the location of this event (RTP Foundation) takes me back in time to sweet leadership accomplishments that have happened in this venue- the first leadership conference I initiated and chaired with the Raleigh Chapter of the Coaching Association. Being the president of the ICF chapter and chairing the leadership conference twice taught me a lot about leadership, my leadership, and what I believe is the essence of pure leadership. You see, until then, my leadership roles were part of my job in a corporate or non-profit setting. But leading a group of volunteers taught me a lesson or two of what you need to do as a leader so people would be willing to make their own choice to take their free time or precious time and spend it on your organization, leadership vision. Let’s face it, they are volunteers, they can choose to stay and help and put your goals first, or they can go back home/office to focus on their to-do list. This is why the leader within must find its way out and express their passion, paint their vision or engage people in creating a shared vision and get the volunteers excited, so they want to join you on this shared vision. This is where I believe I learned what does authentic leadership means to me and how does it look like. If you are considering leading a project or expanding your leadership skills, do yourself a favor and add your development list to lead a group of volunteers – I promise you that you will learn a lot about who you are as a leader.
 
 
What am I listening to? Israeli Music
During the Winter break, I went to visit my family and friends in Israel. One of my favorites things to do is to sample on the Israeli food; what is Israeli food? It's funny, but most of the Israeli food is an improvised import from other countries. Falafel, hummus, and Israeli Salad? Arabic, Schnitzel? Austria and the list go on, it is a melting pot of cultures. More and more when you sit in Israeli Chef Restaurants you will listen to a mixed sound.
To get a sense of what I mean, check this song by Stephen Leger, Comme Ci Coome Ca, which means so so and engages French, English, and Hebrew, and if you listen to the music in the background, you will identify Mediterranean influence.
Check the video here
 

Noa @Next Events

Our Monthly Walking Mastermind 2020 is Back after Holidays Break (we meet the 3rd Friday of the Month January-June)
Influence or Impact - which definition you relate more?
join our January walking mastermind group and walk and talk with other women about this topic and make new deeper connection with other women business leaders.
January 17th 9:00AM-10:30  FREE but we ask to RSVP.  Sign up here 
 
TSHRM - Triangle HR Association
The Being of Leadership - From Doing Leadership to Being Leaders
January 23rd, 11 AM – 1 PM at the RTP Foundation, 12 Davis Drive. Durham, North Carolina 27709
Sign up here 

Until next time,
Stay True and enjoy the Winter

Noa

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January Special Offer - Would You Like to Up Your Business and Leadership Game? Get 15% off the regular coaching prices if you book 8 sessions with me in advance.

Thanks-Giving / November 2019

Thank you for waiting for this letter to knock on your inbox door with the sneak peek to my book: BEyond Leadership from AwareLess to Awareness.

Thanksgiving - thanks and giving, two words that can go hand in hand or can feel to us as two separate entities.

One of the books that changed my perspective about giving and saying thank you is the book by Adam Grant Givers and Takers. It is as this book was written for me in a time where I felt frustration with a few people in my circle who only reached out when they needed something from me. I was never good about giving with limits; if you ask me a question or ask for a tip, I will answer, I am not afraid of sharing my knowledge or hold your hand quietly. Reframing who I am, a giver, helped me learn that people like me – especially when their profession is in the spectrum of giving, need more self-care. Running outdoors is my way to sure I take time to recharge and come back with the energy to keep giving. But here is the deal with Givers, we are not good with saying thank you. For Givers, it is easier to give than asking for help; we know that help will be followed by thanking. So we don’t ask. Not asking is safe; this way, we can avoid saying thank you.
This is why when you help a Giver you might find them get a bit awkward; they might say thank you and then text you with an additional thank you. The next day you might find flowers or a little gift on your desk, and sometimes Givers might go too far, as someone told me once: “Only you, Noa, can write a thank you note to my thank you note.” 
Writing this book required me to work on the muscle of asking for help and saying thank you without being awkward about it more than once. Writing a book is always longer than you think it is going to take. As one of my wise friends told me this morning, writing a book is like a good old wine, you can’t rush the process; it takes time, but the taste is fantastic, and I promise that no thank you note will be followed by my thank notes anymore.
 
This Holiday Season, if you find it easy to give to everyone else, challenge yourself to ask for help and say thank you once and stop. STOP!
On the other hand, if you feel comfortable saying thanking others who care for you, help the awkward, clumsy Givers finding their voice and saying thank you, but only once! Then ask them to stop and move one. And if you appreciate them and they say: “oh! It’s nothing,” you know what to do, ask them to STOP.
 
Thank You and Happy Thanksgiving.

October Monthly Shorts - All you need is one hour

Hey There, 

Okay, I can’t really smell it, it is somewhat a draught in North Carolina, but in my head, I can smell the Fall, and I get excited about it. Here I am with my monthly short, hope it goes well with your coffee/tea break.

What I Was Thinking About?

How much one hour can change in someone's life. As a coach, I try as much as I can to work with a coach too, to help myself become my better self. Last week my conversation with my coach was how to find a way to manage my time. Actually, it wasn’t about managing my time, but more of managing my emotions of frustrations when I am not able to achieve some of my work goals because of other daily tasks. It is the tension between doing what you want and doing what you have to do because you have different responsibilities in your life. Sitting with another person and saying everything I needed to say, just be angry, and upset and even a bit of a victim, which is one of my favorite things to do was a well-deserved party for my emotions, and then I was ready to stop saying that I don’t know what to do about my situation and figure out a solution for myself. That night when I set in my screened porch taking a moment to relax and think about my day, I realized how much that one hour changed my perspective about my life situation.

I Want to Be A Better Leader

What do you want to work on?

I want to BE a better leader.

What does it mean?

I don’t know.. I think it means to inspire my team.

What does it mean to inspire?

I don’t know… I never thought about it.

Great! So let’s define it.

When I was a little girl, and I said a word I didn’t know my father would send me to come back with the dictionary and read the meaning of the word. Language became part of my daily conversation since I moved to the US. Living in a language which is not your first language makes me think a lot about the definitions of words, different synonyms – very helpful when you can’t find the word you know and want to use but disappeared from your headspace, and of course finding the confidence to say: “can you please explain what does this word mean?”

This is why I love that in coaching conversations we give our own personal definition to generic words. It shifts your attention and sometimes being a victim of the term. What word do you need to define for yourself?

 What have I Listened to lately? 

In the last few years, I am fascinated with paradoxes, and I love what The Lumineers did in their new album III, they engaged humoristic music and lyrics to talk about a weighty topic of family love and addiction. They did something different and released every few weeks another video with a new song in the trilogy of a family story that engages how the addiction impacts them as a whole. Check them out click here.

My Most Watched Video Last Month on Social Media 

Oops they caught me singing while I was running, but I didn't really care 

Click here to watch the video

For more inspirational shorts and on the run videos check my social media feeds: @NoaRCoach (LinkedIn/twitter/FB/Instagram)

Noa @Next Events - Come and Say Hi :-)

October 18th - Women Walking Mastermind. 3rd Friday of the month. It is FREE but you must sign up.  Sign up here

October 25th - SHRM Tampa Leadership Conference "to BE or not to BE - how to shift from doing leadership to being leaders"

November 11-12 - FabTech Chicago. I am honored to be invited to speak again at FabTech, "The Value of Your Leadership" and "The HeART of Conflict"

Ask me about conferences' speaker coupon codes to get your discount.