Intro:
The Being of the System is an idea I developed a few years ago when I published my book "BEyond Leadership." Following the book, I recorded a video series called "Lean Back" about leadership and executive coaching. This video series, accompanied by new articles related to the videos' topics, is a collection of the"best of" my coaching conversations with leader clients.
When it was time to post the video and article about the "Being of the System" I could sense some resistance to posting what I wrote. For some reason, I felt that it is not ready, yet!
I have learned with writing that if my body and intuition are telling me that "it is not there yet," I will let it "be" without pushing unnecessary doing.
What I have learned since that resistance, is that grief would meet me in unexpected corners of my life which plays a big role in the idea of the Being of the System.
I devote this two-part article to anyone in this world who is feeling immense pain and grief right now. This is my way of sending love and light to anyone who would like to embrace what they need in whatever way suits them.
The Being of the System Part 1- Grief
A few weeks ago, every coaching session and every conversation I had with a leader, friend, or family member was around grief. I am not kidding; every session was around a different emotional toll followed by the death of loved ones or the death of a peer at work. Not only that but in our personal life, one of our loved ones experienced an unexpected, devastating health situation that brought much sadness and grief.
Grief is an intense and interesting concept. We all know that grief is the emotional loss we experience when we say goodbye to someone we know or love. But grief has many more layers that we might ignore or not consider as grief. We might think that we are depressed, or something is "off", but we will not acknowledge our experience of grief, because death is not part of it.
In this article, I invite you to notice how grief is currently part of our life in many more layers and experiences than we think.
What is grief?
Grief is an overwhelming experience of deep sorrow, but sorrow is the first layer of emotions. We experience many additional emotions, from anger through disappointment to self-pity. It's big and overpowering at the same time.
Why is that?
I believe it is the impact of our Being Energy. What do I mean by "Being" energy?
I believe that we all have two energies within us:
One is the DOING energy.
And one is the BEING energy.
The Doing energy is the energy of the actions; we all know how to do and how to act and get things done. Some of us even refer to ourselves as "Doers."
On the other hand, there is the energy of the Being. That's the energy that consists of our thoughts, our emotions, our fears, aspirations, perspectives, and our limiting beliefs.
The Being and Doing energies do not compete with each other; like Yin and Yang, they complete each other.
How the Being Energy and Grief are connected?
In times of grief, the main question we ask ourselves is: "Who am I going to be without that person? Who am I going to be in this new situatio?." The special need we have to redefine who we are in the new situation brings to the surface many emotions, thoughts, beliefs, aspirations, and fears that together impact the being energy, which grows bigger and bigger, while the doing energy becomes smaller with no energy to move or act. Even when we try to move to action, it feels like we are pushing the gas pedal when the brake is pressed.
This is why grief can show up in any experience of life/work transition, not only in challenging moments like divorce or becoming empty nesters but also in positive and exciting situations. For example, when someone has a new baby, they need to redefine who they are in this new role in their life; the role of a parent who is responsible for another one's life and needs– they need to redefine what it would look like for them to be a parent.
When a team member is promoted to a Team Lead role, they need to redefine who they are in this new situation. Friendships might need to be redefined with their peers, and their tasks and responsibilities will shift too; what would it look like for them now?
Whether positive or negative work/life transition, the essence of redefining who we are in a new situation is the experience of grief, grieving our old self, and redefining our new self.
So, if you plan an organizational change as a leader, be aware that your people might be going through a few different transitions simultaneously that create an experience of grief that feeds our being energy and impacts our actions.
I can experience the positive change of having a new grandchild while realizing that I might need to say goodbye to a close friend and at the same time also move to work in a new team. At the same time frame, different transitions in work and life require redefining who I am in these new experiences that impact how I show up with my doing and being energies.
Grief is not one, but many. It shows up in positive and negative situations, and our role as leaders is to pay attention to the different layers of grief we experience and be aware that at the same time, it is happening to our people. The Being of the System is the grouped emotions, beliefs, aspirations, thoughts, and mindsets of a few different individuals.
In the next article, I will address how the Being of the System can slow leaders down or stop them when they ignore the Being of the System.