You're having a great day when suddenly, you have so much progress with the project you lead, and then when you meet a coworker during a coffee break, they are making an irritating comment. The rest of your day went well; during your 1:1 with your supervisor, they complimented you on influencing an idea in the last meeting with the team, and later on, you met with a peer to progress on another project, and you both worked well together. But when you arrive home, all you can remember is the irritating comment from your coworker during the coffee break.
Why, when you had a not-good, but great day with so many accomplishments, all you can remember is that one incident?
That phenomenon is called "The Negative Bias" or negativity bias. And in today's article, I will share what negative Bias is and how we can overcome it.
Hi, I am Noa and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership.
When you look at your passing day, your week, or maybe even your past month? What are you looking at first?
What have you not accomplished?
What didn't work?
What worked?
Most of us tend to look first at all the things that didn't work. Why do we tend to focus on the negative?
There are different reasons; some are the way we were raised, by our parents our culture: "do better," "do your best," and "aim for excellence!!" "why 99 and not 100?" or "did everyone get 100?" these sentences shape the way we look at the world.
And today, I want to focus on another reason: our brain and, more specifically, our ancient brain. In the last few years, neuroscience research has become very strong. And what we know now about the ancient brain is that its role is to flag danger so we can know if to: "fight," "flight," or "freeze" in moments that can be risky for us and get in our way of surviving life.
One way is by flagging something that is different; the brain will communicate to us: "Hey! Be careful; this is different! It might be dangerous. Stay away."
Another way is when our ancient flags make mistakes: "Hey! That was not a smart idea! Next time you do that, you might get in trouble or lose your life! Don't let it happen again." This mistakes mechanism that our ancient brain flags are called the negative Bias.
But now, when we no longer live in the jungle, that negative bias mechanism can get in our way. Rather than focusing on what's working, we focus on that one thing in the day that didn't work and give it so much attention that we feel distracted.
For example, when we sense that someone is annoyed by us, maybe they even said something to communicate how they feel. We can sense our ancient brain triggers the negative Bias, and we will repeat that sentence in our head many times during the day, asking ourselves: "what could we have done or said differently?" or "why are they so annoyed by us?"
Another example is when we have an important presentation at the office. We wear the yellow shirt that makes us feel confident. After the presentation, a few people stop you outside to compliment you for the presentation. You stop to chat with one of your peers, who says: "by the way you have a coffee stain on your shirt. Do you want the special stain pen I have to fix it?" You thank them, but all you can think about the rest of your day is: "How did I miss this stain?" the compliments from others on your presentation disappear, and you are distracted by the stain.
So what can we do to keep the negative bias mechanism from distracting us? Neuroplasticity, or brain flexibility. Some call it rewiring our brains because our brain is like electric wires that send notifications. We can teach those wires to send new messages. The brain can learn to do that.
But this time, with our brain, the machines you use in the gym are replaced by new ones.
How can we do that? We train our brains like any other muscle we work in the gym. Like any change, change happens in repetition.
You see, what the neuroscientists have found is that we can reprogram or train our brain or pay more attention to what's working, progress, and strengths than the negative, what's not working, and weaknesses.
Studies show that people who look at progress and strengths as routine practice achieve more.
Now remember the focus is not on not allowing ourselves to see what's not working or even negative emotions and ALWAYS STAY positive; it is not about not letting our peers express challenges and non-positive experiences. We want to embrace and accept where we are and create a safe space for ourselves and others. And yet, if we notice that our focus is all the time on what's not working when the only feedback we give to others is on weaknesses, when we talk with ourselves and others about improving and doing better but never recognize what's working, maybe it is time to pause and ask ourselves if the ancient brain is distracting us. We might need to refocus and train our brains to notice: Strengths, Progress, and What's working.
How can we do that?
There are many options, but I will share the two that you can take:
1. Gratitude practice.
Take time in your day, week, or month to practice gratitude. Please check my next blog post and video to learn more about that.
2. Reflect on what's working and progress.
Take time at the end of your day/work day to reflect on your day, week, month, quarter, and year.
Here are a few questions you can engage in your daily/bi-weekly/weekly/monthly/yearly reflections:
What are the three things that worked today/week?
Where have you seen progress today? Work and life,
Where have you seen yourself using your strengths today/this week?
What are you grateful for?
Find an accountability partner to meet with or share your notes if needed. Ensure you always start with these 4 points before you dive into fixing or discussing what you could have done better.
The more your ancient brain meets this practice, the more you will notice progress with yourself, your peers, your team, your kids, and your life.
I Challenge You:
Do you need to give a performance review to someone you feel is not performing well? That can be very challenging. I will challenge you to take a moment with yourself before you meet with them and ask yourself: what does that person do that works? What is one strength that this person has?
Find at least one for each of these questions and then prepare again for your conversation with this person.
I have done the Progress Reflection Practice weekly for over 12 years. Still, each time I reflect on my week, my ancient brain will try to distract me from what's not working, and every week I will delete the first sentence that starts with what's not working and refocus myself and my ancient brain on progress. Remember, like any muscle, when we stop using them, it becomes harder to use them, and the more we use them, the shorter it takes us to overcome challenges. It is a life work of progress, just like any workout.