Raleigh executive coach

Strengths or Weaknesses?

What should get more attention when we want to develop and grow? Our weaknesses or our strengths?  

Strengths are the inner gifts that help us take action or show up with others at our best. But what happens when we don't show up at our best? What happens when you promote a person on your team and they don't show up at their best? What then?

Where should the focus be?

In this article, I will share why I believe that when you partner with others to develop and grow, you will see more results when focusing on your strengths.

I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership and their teams. Are you ready? Let's go. 

 When leaders often share their coaching goals, they focus on how they can become their better selves. How can they grow or help their team grow? And, nine out of ten times, the focus of their goals will be on fixing a weakness they have. 

But in a study by Don Clifton at the University of Nebraska, we can see why focusing on strengths can be more beneficial for yourself and your team. 

 Clifton and his team observed two groups of High School Kids.

  • One group was of fast readers who read above average– they read 350 words per minute with comprehension

  • The second group was of average readers, reading 90 words per minute with comprehension

Both groups received the same speed reading course to see what would happen. The results showed that the average readers improved by 66%; they went up from 90 words to 150 words per minute. Impressive right? 

What do you think happened to the fast reader’s group? 

Take a moment to guess before you keep reading this article. 

The fast readers improved from 350 words to 2,900. That means they enhanced by 828%. 

Wow!

That shows us that when we work from our strengths, we and others get hundreds of percentages more from us using our powers. And still, some of us cannot let go of our weaknesses. I get it. This is how our brain is wired: the brain pays attention to what's not working or can cost us our lives. This is the ancient brain that protects us from life and death-situations.

This is also how our world works; we want to fix problems no matter what they are, from politics to clean water. We all focus on resolving issues; therefore, if we are not good at something, we should fix it. Right?

I will challenge this view – is it right?

Where do you see yourself thriving? When people or your inner chatter tell you you are not good enough or when your strengths are recognized? When you or others focus consistently on what you need to improve, do you notice your energy going up or down? Do you see more defensiveness or progress? Do you witness self-judgment or curiosity? 

 So here is the golden rule:

When should you focus on a weakness?

When you receive consistent feedback around a specific theme that requires improvement along your life path from different people on different work and life experiences, maybe it is time to look at this area as an opportunity to improve. Or ask yourself how you can use your strengths to improve in this area.

 On the other hand, and some will disagree with me, our strengths can sometimes get us in trouble. Mostly it happens in times of change, when we enter a new role, get promoted, lead an organizational change, or any other new life or work situation.

 Since we want to feel successful in times of change, we might "overuse our strength." Intuitively we sense that by accessing our strengths, we can achieve goals, influence, impact, or any other outcome we or our supervisors have in mind. And this is when we use our strengths in a way that might not serve us.

Here are some examples that you can get in your way with your strengths (and there are many more): 

  • If you are strong at execution, by overusing your ability to get things done, you might not delegate or micromanage.

  • If you are strong at problem-solving, you will tell people what to do to bring results rather than empower others.

  • If you are very analytical, you will want to ensure you explored any data point and might not move to make decisions or actions and slow down the process or others who wait on your decisions.

  • If you are good at building trust and relationships, you might ask too many people what they think and not move into making a decision.

 Creating awareness can help you regroup and turn down the volume on how you use your strengths in a productive way for yourself and others. Do you see people frustrated? Do you notice people not talking in meetings? Do you get feedback that you are not delegating, or maybe, on the other hand, not moving into action?

Those are red flags to lean back, pay attention to, and ask yourself – what strength am I using too much or maybe it is time to use it in a new way that can serve myself and my team/peers better?

When you run through this exercise with yourself, build on your learning and pay attention to your team; who does not perform well or looks deflated? Are they working from their strengths? Why not? Are you or others getting in their way? Are they in the wrong role? How can you empower and recognize their strengths? Who on your team shares or completes each other strengths, and how can they complement/collaborate/mentor each other? How can you delegate to others what fits their strengths?

 How do you approach the strengths and weaknesses topic? Anything you would like to share or add? 

 If you liked this article and/or video and would like to go beyond with your leadership or support another peer to go beyond with their leadership and their teams, make sure to like and share this article and subscribe for me.

Cheers!

 

ILPC - Identify, Label, Pause, Choose

We all had those moments when someone or something triggered or annoyed us.  We observe ourselves from the side and can see the inner spark or total silence that is not aligned with what we want. In those moments, we experience our emotions and or thoughts or actions leading us instead of us leading (not controlling) them. They get in our way to head toward the outcome that we want, and we might even hear an inner conversation that sounds somewhat like: "urge, I ted wish I would show up differently." But the frustrating reality is even though we promise ourselves time after time that we will show up differently – we don't.

 

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. Are you ready? Let's go. 

 In this article/video, I would like to share a simple framework that can help you lead your emotions or thoughts in a productive way.

 Emotional self-regulation or emotion regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behavior and reactions to feelings, especially strong ones, and calm down after something exciting or upsetting happens.

Same with your thoughts, when you know your thought pattern, you can learn how to lead your thoughts in a new way. I call the framework: ILPC. 

 ILPC stands for IdentifyLabelPause, and Choose

 Step 1: Identify

Okay, so you are triggered. The question is, how are you showing up when you're triggered?

When we are triggered, our thought patterns and emotions lead us to unwanted behaviors. This is why it's essential to identify the thought patterns that led to how we show up with our feelings and thoughts. 

 Which of the following is your thought pattern, and when does it show up?

  • All-or-Nothing Thinking - Seeing things in black-or-white, zero or one, right or wrong. You will think that it has to be either or. But there are many shades of gray and numbers between zero and one.

  • Negative Bias – even though things are going well, you pick one negative detail out and focus on it. 
     If you are a neuroscience geek, please know that the negative Bias is a survival behavior adopted by our ancient brain to keep us safe. Making a mistake could cost our lives; this is why our brain wants us to be aware of the "bad decisions we made" and pay attention to what's NOT working. But in today's reality, most of us do not need to worry about our life all the time. Still, the mechanism stayed.   The cure is to learn how to teach our brain to look at WHAT'S WORKING. We can rewire our brains to see situations from a new perspective and switch how we approach them.

  • Overgeneralization - Believing that it "always" happens to you or "never" happens to you – this is when we feel frustrated and defeated. 

  • Magnification/minimization - Your special magnifying glass can magnify an issue, making it bigger than it is. Or you're able to minimize the situation and your positive qualities. 

  • Mind Reading/Fortune Telling - You jump to a conclusion based on a feeling or thought without any evidence to support it.

  • Emotional Reasoning - You believe that whatever you're feeling, it must be so. 
    So how do you show up with your thought patterns, and when? 

Step 2 - Label

So now you know.
The problem is that when we often know that we feel or think in a way that is not aligned with the outcome we want to see, we ignore, avoid or make it small. Why?It goes back to your thought pattern:

  • Make it small – well, others have more significant problems. I should not be this way.

  • Self-Deprecation – how do I even dare to feel or think this way? I should be positive.

  • Ignore/Avoid it – I will work and distract myself.

 The problem with these techniques is research that shows that every time you ignore your emotions and your thoughts, you think about them or feel them 49 times more
When we label or name our emotions or thought patterns, we validate what we feel and think. We acknowledge that they exist without needing to fix or delve into them. They are just there to co-exist. They are no good or bad. They are just there.
What can be confusing is that labeling our emotions and thoughts doesn't mean that they will stay there forever. Emotions are not stagnant. They come and go. Even right now, when you read or listen to this idea, you have many thoughts and emotions that show up and disappear. When you trust that this is the idea of thoughts and emotions, that they are energy that goes in and out, that there are not there forever – you can validate them and say: I see you and hear you, I know you are here with me. 

 
Step 3 – Pause & Choose

Now, when we name and validate what we feel and think, we can pause and then choose. Have you ever experienced feeling overwhelmed with emotions or thoughts, and when you shared it with another person, you heard the response: "calm down, let's just take a big breath." 
I can't stand it. Why? Because when people tell me to take a big breath, it feels like I don't have a choice: they are making me do something that makes me feel out of control. I don't feel like taking a big breath; what I want to do at that moment is scream, cry, yell, or lose control of my way. Not their way.

Here is what I do believe taking a big breath is not about calming down. Taking a big deep breath is about a moment of PAUSE This deep breath is because I know my emotions and thoughts are leading me It is an intentional moment for me to pause and choose between two options

- Do I want to stay and let my emotions and thoughts keep leading me?

- Do I want to shift to a new way of being or doing?

Pause doesn't have to be a deep breath; it can be anything that makes YOU PAUSE, to be intentional.  You can stand, take a sip of water, step away from your computer, and make yourself a coffee or tea. My favorite is touching a pulse point on your body (heart, arm) or touching jewelry you wear on one of those pulse points (bracelet, watch, neckless). It can also be a grounding question you write on a sticky note and stick to your computer/laptop screen.


Step 4 – Making an Intentional Choice

Making a choice is a powerful experience. Whether I choose to stay or shift, I respond to a need.
If I choose to stay– that's okay – I am choosing to show up this way. 
The paradox at that moment is that we sometimes want and need to stay. Then the transition is organic and gentle. Most important, we are not on autopilot anymore. It is an intentional choice.
If I choose to shift – I only shift after I check in with myself and ask: 
 What do I need? The answer can be different

  • I need to step away

  • I need to reach out and ask for support 

  • I need to reach out so I can see a new perspective

  • Anything else you need

What I love about sharing this system is how empowering it is. Being at a place of choice is empowering to you and others.
It takes time to practice this framework, but finding your way is so liberating.

Remember, first, you identify, then you label or name your emotions or your thoughts, you pause to center yourself, and last, you make an intentional choice. And as a leader, you can use that not only with yourself but also to empower others when you help them develop and grow. Experiment with the ILPC and share with me how it works for you. If you liked this video/article, subscribe and share.