How To Break The Emotional Or Thought Spiral? Four Techniques To Help You Work With Your Emotions Rather Than Controlling Them

A few years ago, during a work break, I went to the kitchen (as I do every day since I mostly work from home). That morning, when I opened the refrigerator, I noticed something different: I wasn’t breathing. Okay, I was breathing, but I could sense that I was pressing my lips against each other so hard it was as if I was holding my breath before diving into deep water.

I must say that I became very curious about this kitchen experience; what made me press my lips together in this way? The more I observed myself, the more I was amused with my being and how I was with my actions.

Apparently, during that time, my concern about the progress of a project I was working on kept me from breathing! I closed the refrigerator door and did something I had been resisting for a long time: I took a big breath.

It was a choice, a choice to shift from where I was; concerned and worried, some call it spiraling with my thoughts and emotions, to the point where it felt like I couldn’t breathe- to a new way of being with myself. Choosing to stop spiraling, closing the refrigerator, and focusing on breathing. I didn’t know that this moment would teach me one of the most powerful lessons I’ve ever learned and will teach so many of my clients: taking a big breath is a pause that moves us to take back the lead on our emotions and thoughts. Move from autopilot spiral mode to being at a choice of how we show up with ourselves and others.

 Emotional regulation is the ability to effectively manage our emotional states and bounce back, mainly when our emotions run high.

We all have different methods to remind ourselves what we need to do: Post-it notes, electronic calendars and phone alarms can all serve as reminders for the actions we need to take, but how can we remind our being energy (the emotions. thoughts, and concerns) to bounce back when we feel stressed, overwhelmed, afraid, or let our self-limiting belief hold us back?
Centering techniques can help us pause and move to a place of choice with our being energy. 
Pause is the space in between that moves us from an autopilot way of being to control our emotional choices and, therefore, our mindset in different situations.

Pause #1 Breath

Taking a big breath is not about the need to calm down, but about the pause. Breathing intentionally creates a moment of pausing. This pause allows us to ground ourselves and ask the big choice question: “Are we willing or wanting to shift?”

 A few days after the refrigerator a-ha moment, I found myself lecturing my three kids during dinnertime . . . again. I could see myself saying the same blah, blah, blah that I used to say almost every dinner while my kids ignored me. That night, I chose to take a big breath intentionally. It wasn’t the big breath of “Let me bring the ‘Oy Vey’ guilt of a Jewish mother defeated again by her children’s daily behavior.” Instead, this breath allowed me to pause and choose, in this interaction, if I was going to stay with my daily routine and keep lecturing my kids, or shift to a new way of being/doing and be quiet. Everyone was waiting on me to keep going after the big motherly breath, but I didn’t.

In his book, A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle explains that breathing brings us back to the present moment. That evening I learned that lecturing was more of a need for me than an action that brings value to anyone else at the table.

Pause #2 Tangible Reminder

A tangible reminder is an object that reminds us of how we can be our best selves. It is a reminder that what we feel or think is just a thought, and we can choose differently.

Research done by Millward Brown, a global leader in brand advertising, found that tangible, printed materials produced deeper engagement versus digital materials. The printed material evoked more brain activity associated with the integration of sight and touch. It gave a more robust emotional response that suggests a healthier memory formation and a deeper connection with personal thoughts and emotions.

 This is why touching or looking at a tangible reminder can be so helpful when we want to move into a state of choice.

Here are a few ways you can use tangible reminders:

• Touching an object on your body: wearing a piece of jewelry like a bracelet, necklace, ring, or a watch, and touching upon feeling stressed, and can help center yourself. If, like many of my clients, you feel nervous before speaking to management or peers, touching a tangible object or jewelry in your pocket can be useful. When you touch the item, it is a reminder that things can be different, that you can shift, it can help you relax and center yourself without anyone knowing that this is what you do. It is a simple yet essential action step that can help you regulate your emotions or shift your mindset and lower your stress levels or nervousness.

• Look at an object: Rather than touching the item, you can choose to look at something. For some people looking at a tangible reminder can be as powerful as touching an object to lower the stress levels and bounce back. 

Here are a few ideas:

• Desktop picture - A picture on your smartphone lock screen or computer screen

• A key charm

• A rock, or seashell

• Sentimental toy or decorative object you can put on your desk

• A quote

• A plant 

Pause #3 - Centering word 

As with a deep breath, a tangible reminder centering word/sentence is another centering technique that can help you pause and move into choice. One of my clients combined the action step of touching a tangible reminder with a centering word; she came up with the plan of touching her watch while saying, “It’s time.” It’s all she needed to escape conflict and bounce back from a high emotional state.

Pause #4- Stand Up

Part of spiraling creates a body experience where we feel stuck, The spiral takes over and it feels as if we are losing control of the situation, and very soon the emotions, fears, and thoughts will take over.
One of my clients was an executive that felt extremely low confidence in the leadership meetings. It felt as if all their peers are much more brilliant than them. It lead to a point where they didn’t share their thoughts during those meetings and of course felt even worse about themselves when someone else shared the same idea and received recognition - if only they shared their thoughts…
We learned that by standing up this executive was able to shift the energy and in a way take the lead back. It was their moment to pause and take over. Many of my clients find the option of standing up as a good way to break the spiral and center themselves.

When we let emotions and concerns react and lead the way (I don’t think we need to control them just lead them) in a situation that takes us on the wrong path of actions, it can be a red flag for us that we might need to explore a new way of being that can bring new results. Centering techniques take just a few seconds and will not only lead to a calm, centered, clear, way of being, but we will also see new actions. Train yourself to be more mindful, bit by bit, and you will see the results in the way that you lead your way of being rather than letting the unwanted emotions lead you.

Of course, you can use only one centering technique or engage all three: breathing, touching a tangible object, and saying a word. Centering yourself can help you feel grounded, calmer, and able to respond articulately and clearly when you feel nervous or unable to control your thoughts and emotions.

Some say it takes 21-30 days to create a habit, but it will only take 3 seconds to breathe. So right now, close your eyes and take a deep breath and start the journey of being at a choice your way. It starts with a moment of pause and intentional choice.

Lean Back - Create Space for Yourself and Others to Think

Transcript

Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, invited us to lean in. I challenge you to lean back. When we lean back, we create Space to think better and be better listeners. 

Hey, I am Noa Ronen and I'm an executive coach. And I work with executives, leaders, and founders like you to go beyond. So let's go. 

Slack, WhatsApp, Google Chat, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, text messages, remote school, workout, healthy food. That's a lot. 

I don't have time to think. 

I am reactive all the time. 

I am tactical instead of being a strategic thinker. 

Being an executive and leader and human, in general, these days is not easy. There is so much noise. From back-to-back meetings all day long, from 7 am to 7 pm. And questions for the different channels, we don't have time to think anymore. 

There is too much noise. 

Noise, it seems that we don't know how to sit still anymore and be with the quiet. 

Think about it. When you sit in the meeting room with peers or your direct reports and you ask a question and there is that awkward silence in the room, someone will jump right away if it's not you to save the day and say something. 

When you sit with your direct reports or peers and you ask them if they have an idea how to solve the problem, and they say, "Well, I don't know." Most of us have the tendency right away to jump up with solutions, rather than giving them a moment to process and find the solutions on their own. So lean back. 

Leaning back is not just to create Space for you to think. Leaning back is also for the people you work with. When you lean back, you take a moment to reflect and learn what worked and what didn't work. When you lean back, you talk less and you listen more. When you lean back, you have time to look beyond the little things and think beyond your frame. 

Do you need a moment, a reminder how to lean back? It's actually pretty simple. All you need is a chair of your preference. It can also be a sofa, and something you can to put your feet on. It's great. 

So let's do it together. I'm going to count down. 3,2, 1. Lean back. 

Actually, it feels really good. You can see more when you lean back. 

Just lean back.

If you liked this video and you want to dig in to learn more about beyond leadership, please subscribe to this channel. (and share with your friends) Just here.

Article

Slack, Teams, WhatsApp, google chat, emails, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, text messages, zoom, zoom, zoom.
You must speak up in meetings
You should be present with your people and stop multi-tasking
You should be less in the weeds and think more strategiclly

But how can you do that with the constant noise in the background???? 

 So yes, I hear a lot from executive clients and leaders words like: overwhelmed, busy but excited, stressed, and even burnout. And that’s before we even started to talk about life, or promotion or an organizational change.

It made me think about Space; today I learned that there was no space in between words many years ago. Only in the 7th-century were people introduced to commas and periods. For leaders to think, be present, and be more strategic, they have to create Space to think. Not just for themselves but also others. 

 Leaders need Space to think about questions like what is their leadership purpose? Or who are the people they need for their team, and what strengths do they have? Or what can make their teamwork more innovative or scalable, or efficient? Or why something they tried to influence didn’t work? Or what brings frustration?

Space

Leaders need Space to help their people grow.
When they learn to listen without interrupting, they can ask questions instead of giving answers.
When the leader creates Space for questions, they help their people share what they need and how they need it, and mostly the need is not for the leader to solve the problem.
Space allows both sides to process without rushing it.
In big meetings, Space creates room for everyone to share and engage.
When there is no space, mostly, one person is speaking and sucking the energy in the room. 

1.    Lean Back in meetings.

 Some of us speak too much in meetings. Lean back. Let others talk. Ask the questions, and be curious to listen to what people answer. When people don’t answer, count to ten and then count again. The problem is that we are expected to answer questions fast in today's world and be reactive. So many times when we have asked a question, the mental inner experience whispers if I don’t have an answer right away, it means that “I don’t know,” but most people have the answers; they just need a little more time to – think.

For that, we need Space.

2. Lean back when they ask you questions 

Our ego loves when people come to us for answers. It feels good.
But remember, the more you give people the answers, the more they will lean on you. 
The higher you go, the more you will need to delegate. 
Help your team to feel comfortable sitting with the “I don’t knows,” and create Space by a few simple questions like: “what do you think?” or “how would you approach it?” or “who do you think can be a good resource to learn more about this topic?”

 This is a good skill for your team to learn how to find the answers independently. 

3.    Listening with curiosity 

One of the best ways of leaning back is listening by asking questions. 
Questions create Space for you to listen to how your people think.
Questions create Space for you to listen to what your people never shared with you.
Questions create Space for them to talk and for you to learn more about what they know, what their strengths are, and maybe areas they need coaching, mentoring, or professional development. 
The problem is that when we shift to listening and asking questions, the voice inside us wants others to follow our solutions and show others that we are right. When the questions we ask lack curiosity, we ask questions that focus on leading others to the “right solution” we have in mind. What can we do? 

Let go of our right solution. Let go of the answer.  

The focus is not on the right solution but on learning how your people think and helping them find solutions on their own.
Leaning back, listening, asking questions, and being comfortable
with moments of quiet not only help you slow down and have focus time to think they also help your team think. 

So lean back.

Welcome to my project 21 X 21

 21 videos I filmed in 2021

 Why? Because it was covid and most of us were still in pretty much of a remote life, I needed a challenge that would inspire me to stay creative and stretch myself.

 In the past few years, I collected a list of topics from my conversations with my leader and executive clients. The topics that I could see that when we discuss their eyes spark, and something clicks. So maybe I can expand it beyond the 1:1 or group conversation? This brought me to a project of 21 videos, So hopefully, you will find value in those short videos, and if you do – please share with that one friend (or more) that can get value from them too. Thanks!!

Cheers

Noa

Procrastination - Why I believe there is wisdom in our resistance to move into action and how can we start listening to it?

Well, here I am. It is the evening before this article is due. Did I start it a week ago, when I assigned it to myself? Of course not. I, like many, struggle with a common challenge: Procrastination. For years I fought this urge to put everything off to the last minute. I'd receive an assignment and say, "This time, I'm going to be organized. I'm going to start early, go bit by bit, and not put everything off to the last second. I will not procrastinate."

 My daughter can attest to this tendency. Every weekend, before COVID19 hit us, the two of us would head to our favorite coffee shop. She would work on her homework, and I would focus on writing. Writing during the workweek is very challenging to accomplish. So moving it to the weekend made sense. "Did you start?" she would ask me about an article or chapter in my book or a speech I had to work on. "I just need to work on something else that is very important, and then I will start!" I would tell her with a mother who knows it all face.

But, ultimately, we'd be heading to the car from the café, and she'd ask me, "Did you complete the task?" And time after time, I was forced to say, "I haven't even started."

Time after time, I'd end up in my office two days before the event or due date writing and practicing like a madwoman. And time after time, when my daughter came cautiously, afraid of the madwoman in the office, aka me... to say goodnight, she'd sigh and say, "Oh Mom, why did you wait until the last minute again?"

"Because," I'd say. "That's just the way I am."

 Even though my frantic preparation for these events was intense enough to scare away my family for the day, one time, I finally got my daughter to watch one of my speeches with me. My daughter looked at me, confused. "This is from when you procrastinated? From two days of preparation?"

"Yes, it is."

"But you did so well! If I waited to the last minute like you, instead of preparing ahead of time, I would be a mess!"

Maybe some of you are like my daughter, and perhaps you must start early for the sake of your mental health and internal peace. But for some, like me, procrastination stimulates a "good stress" that allows us to bring our best product. The moment I realized this IS my process, I became a free woman.

After years of struggle and self-deprecation, and endless coaching conversations with clients about this topic, it might be time to edit my business card and give it the additional title: Noa Ronen, an Executive & Leadership Coach, Speaker, Author, and a Proud Procrastinator.

Next time your procrastinator-tendencies cause internal conflict, how will you know if procrastination works for you or against you?

Does procrastination get you in trouble?

"I am such a procrastinator," one of my clients shared with me at the beginning of our session. "You know," I told him, "I believe sometimes procrastination is a good thing; let's try and see what it is trying to tell us…."

 "You know," he said, "I have never got in trouble for doing things in the last minute. I have never failed at school, or college; I keep being seen and promoted. Plus, maybe it just creates space for me to work on more important tasks?" 

 We took a moment to look at his calendar, and he said, "I think I will take care of this task tonight," then, while smiling, he stopped and said, "but I probably won't…" 

 "I love it!" I said, "a moment of honesty; So when are YOU going to do it? tomorrow?"

 "Nope," he said, laughing.

 "The day after," I asked?

 "No way," He replied, laughing louder, "I don't see getting to this task before the end of the week."

 "I have to ask you… how does it serve you when you put tasks on your calendar that torture you when you know you will not touch them until later in the week/month? You have enough on your plate - work with you, not against you."

Does the stress of procrastination lead you to create just an okay product or a fantastic product?

If waiting for the last minute helps you create a fantastic product, keep procrastinating; it is part of your creative process. Some research shows that in the "not doing," your brain keeps working and thinking and collecting different ideas that show up when you do the work.

And what if waiting to the last minute can get in your way or even gets you in trouble?

 I believe we can learn plenty from your resistance. I refer to it as the wisdom or your resistance. 

When you postpone doing something, I believe that most times, it's not because you are lazy or disorganized; there is a reason for your non-action that you are AwareLess to see for now. So, what is it that you're resisting? What can the resistance teach us if we take a moment to listen to it?

• Are you going against your core values? Your values like the north star, make sure you keep walking with integrity and follow the path of what's important to you. When you need to take on action against your core values, you will experience an internal conflict that will hold the doing. For example: if you're asked to stay late, and your core value is freedom, you may resist doing the task and check your social media feed. You DID stay, but your actions are keeping you in control of your value, or you will resent the request and act out.

• I don't know enough? Is it true? Suppose the answer is yes, you probably don't move into action because you are missing skills or knowledge. Still, at times people who lean to believe they don't know enough can get in trouble. They feel that no matter how much they learn, it will never be enough for them; this is when learning becomes their obstacle from achieving results. It is a wiser mechanism of avoiding moving into action. If you know that this is a pattern of yours and ongoing learning takes you away from achieving your tasks on time, here is my question to you (you can use this question with employees who hold this perspective); what is one step you can take with the information you already have?

• Purpose and Meaning - are you missing clarity about the purpose or the why of moving into action? When we don't understand the purpose or meaning of something we need to act on, we don't move to action. This resistance will show up with the goals you set for yourself or others. This is the essential information and an opportunity for you to step back and ask yourself:

• What is the purpose of this project?

• What is essential for me about this goal?

• What will people (or I) experience from sharing/creating/writing this message?
  
  It can sometimes be hard to find all the answers on your own, and you will need help from a mentor or coach.

• Maybe it's just not important enough? If you're resisting something or not moving into action, maybe it is time for an honest conversation with yourself and letting it go if necessary. The question I ask is straightforward: from 1 to 100 (1 being the lowest and 100 the highest), how much is this project important to you? Remember, no one sees or hears you, so be entirely honest with your wants, not your needs, have tos, or shoulds.

• Maybe your goal is essential, but not now? When I look at my plan/goals, I can identify a project or goal important for me but not now. Allowing ourselves to decided: Yes! But not now is helping up making sure we focus and prioritize the now while freeing our headspace from distractions.

 When we look at procrastination as something we don't do, we miss an opportunity to listen to our resistance's wise message.

Maybe procrastination can serve you? Perhaps it can help your creative juices flow or making you feel more in control? Time after time, my clients learn so much from slowing down and listening to their inner wisdom.

Maybe there is something you can learn from not acting on a specific task? Perhaps you can learn from checking in with yourself and paying attention to how you work? And maybe, just maybe procrastination is your intuition leading you towards YOUR way of heading to focused success?

­Negotiation – three Ways to Reach Mutual Agreement

When was the last time you had to prepare for an uncomfortable conversation? Can you remember how only thinking about that conversation impacted your energy levels. Whether it is uncomfortable conversations, solving a disagreement, or giving someone feedback, all these conversations have a negotiation component within.

Negotiation is a conversation where both sides need to achieve an agreement; if there is no disagreement, there is no negotiation or uncomfortable conversation. Period. Negotiation doesn’t begin until someone says no. Wouldn’t it be great if we can always have people agreeing with us?

The problem is that craving people saying yes to us and agreeing with us can get us stuck in the belief that negotiation is the act of doing our best to keep the other person from saying what they want to say: their no… This is why our mindset navigates the conversation on our hand towards hearing them saying what we want to hear – our yes. With that in mind, the way we address the exchange is from our want; for some, it will be by listening from our yes and ignoring what the other person has to say. For others, the negotiation conversation becomes a game they need to win; it is us against them, an either-or –– which can lead to a conflict. Therefore the question is not how do we handle a no response, but how do we turn the no go to let’s go!  Let’s go is when we have an alternative solution that works for both sides.

When I hear clients want to find in our session the right strategy to convince a peer that his/her idea is not good for the organization. What I observe is that their focus is on convincing the other person that they are wrong. This mindset closes the door to a conversation before we even started it. No one likes to hear that what they are saying/thinking is wrong. “What if instead of worrying about what the other person will say or why we need to be right,” I ask my clients “we can shift our focus to the idea that no one gets to be wrong and no one gets to be right?”
What if we change the focus? What would it look like if the other person and you were both together against the conflict? What would be possible then?

Let’s see the steps you can take to shifting your mindset from no go to let’s go together:

1. The concerns list.

When we think about the uncomfortable conversation we are going to have, many times, there are thoughts, concerns, and even emotions that play a crucial role in how we approach the conversation. Take a moment before you move into an action to pay attention to your being energy (your mindset and emotions) and write down all the concerns you have about the meeting. For example, concerns I hear from other clients many times:

“What if they don’t care about what I have to say?”

“What if they don’t respect my needs?”

Now let’s flip it and look at the other person. What would be the list of their concerns meeting with you? What would they write down?

Take a moment to write all their thoughts, frustrations, emotions, and beliefs.

Start with crossing over to their side. Look at the others' perspectives. Why might they have reacted to something you said or write the way they did? Why are they resisting your stance? There is undoubtedly a reason, and you’ll find that you will bring an open mindset perspective to the meeting when you take a moment to look at the world from their perspective.

2. “It is going to be hard” - What is the mindset you bring to the conversation

When thinking about the meeting, have you found yourself saying to another person or yourself before going to the meeting: “It will be hard,” or “I will need to fight to get what I want,” or “I know I will need to defend what I believe in.” Can you see how defensive and protective your view is in those moments? Without knowing what the other person will say, you look at the conversation from a heart at war. 

We choose how we step into a room, are we ready to put on the boxing gloves, or are we willing to wait and see what the other person has to say? Perhaps all you will need is to explain your perspective rather than defend it? Maybe, just maybe it is going to be easy?

3. Know your boundaries?

We need to know where the conversation starts and what intention we bring, but it is also essential to know where it ends; there are some situations where conversations will not go toward an agreement. This is why it is vital to understand what will make us say the final no and know that this is the end of the path for us or that from here our managers need to keep the conversation. Managers’ intervention doesn’t mean that you are weak, sometimes asking for help is actually the smart way to go; there are many situations that your managers need to solve organizational barriers that our peer and us cannot solve.

When we want to reach mutual agreements, both sides work together to bring as much value as they can it requires paying attention to what the other person’s wants and needs are. This is not an easy task, but slow down and ask yourself: “if I could bring compassion and curiosity to the situation what that person wants and needs are?” even if you view their reasons as irrelevant, not serious, or not realistic, understanding their challenges will once again help you stop fighting them and work together productively so both of you can benefit from the conversation and create value for the organization (or system) as a whole.

The Being of the System - How the BEing energy is a Force that can Influence Others to Embrace Change / Featured Article on Leadercast Website

I was honored to be featured at the Leadercast Website as part of their July 2020 topic: Influence.

Leadercast gives you access to hundreds of short videos from CEOs, researchers, peers and experts for insights and solutions to conquer any leadership challenge that comes your way.

Check my article here, or read it below.

Successful organizations have leaders who can quickly adapt to change. Yet there’s no manual on how to effectively influence employees to drive actions toward desired change. 

Ever since we were kids, we were told that our actions made us good: “Be a good boy and clean up your room,” or “Be a good girl and do your homework before dinner.” As adults, we often see that the ones who are being promoted or recognized in our organizations are the ones who get things done, and we strive to do the same.

The problem is that there are some areas, like leadership, where actions are not enough. Acting without any awareness of who we are as leaders will not lead to the desired outcome.

For example, when you look at athletes during a game or contest—when the crowd is cheering for the other team and heckling them, or when they miss a shot and have to keep going, or when the final point of the game is all up to them—the one who wins is the one who can manage their Being energy while continuing with their actions. This is why I consider Being energy as a force because it can slow us down or help us thrive. When we want to influence others to join our ideas, what we really want to do is move others toward a desired change. The problem with change is that the bigger it is, the more emotions, thoughts, and concerns we have, which means that Being energy is taking up more space and slowing down our actions. One of my clients who led a large organizational change forgot that it took her a while to process her emotions and thoughts before the change was announced to employees. When she met with her new team, she forgot that these employees hadn’t had the time to process their thoughts and emotions like she did when she found out. And when she pushed the conversation toward action, she was met with sarcasm and no results. “They were so rude to me,” she shared with me after the meeting. I responded, “Remember a few months ago when you needed time to process your emotions and concerns surrounding the change? Have you paid attention to their Being energy?” In the next meeting, rather than rushing them to action, she said, “I understand there are some concerns with the new reality. How about we put the plan aside and have a conversation about how we feel and our concerns. I will start.” Being the first to share, her team opened up and shared their thoughts, too. Quickly after that, they were able to move into action without feeling rushed and trust was established in the process. Here are a few pointers that can help you influence people while addressing the Being force:

Clarity. Why is this change important? Does your team have clarity and understanding of why this change is needed? Don’t be surprised if people don’t have the desire to follow you in the change right away. Go back and do the work with a mentor or a coach to get clarity about your why, values and vision, and provide clarity to your team.

Rushing to action. When you sense resistance to change internally or externally, it is time to lean back and realize that your focus is on the Doing energy. Instead, dare to address the Being energy in the room and/or within. When you direct your energy to the Being force within or with others, you move to what I call BEyond leadership. Not only will you be able to influence and lead change again and again, but you will be able to open up and feel the momentum. You will see beyond yourself, beyond your values, and beyond your vision to now engage others in your leadership and help them grow into their best selves.

The Power of Morning Routine

Focus. The center of interest, our ability to pay particular attention to someone or something and see clearly.

I was a machine of getting things done. If you gave me a complicated project, my brain would know how to break it down and make it simple. Like a photographer who looks at the view and knows in their head what the picture should look like, it was as if I aimed my camera lens while squinting my eyes as narrowly as possible so I could see all the steps clearly in my head.
Then one day the focus flew out the window. Having my own business taught me that it is so much easier to deliver when I am part of the team. But working on my own? I lost my ability to commit and see results.

How come?
Like many other skills that business owners must learn to become better at what they do, I did a deep dive to help myself understand what some actions I could take in order to overcome my challenge with staying focused and on track were.

One of the things that showed up repeatedly was a morning routine: from Warren Buffet to Ariana Huffington, many successful people had created a morning routine that would feed their energy and help them stay focused.

 When I brainstorm, with my clients, ways to help them stay focused, I always bring up the morning routine. As Tim Ferriss says, “If you win the morning, you win the day.”

Think less about the time and more about the return on your investment. Yes, some people have a three-hour morning routine: they wake up early, drink water, do a hardcore workout, and then meditate for at least 20-30 minutes. Some even pray, shower in cold water, journal. Many will write down their goals for the day and add on gratitude journaling and then move on to breakfast unless they follow intermediate fasting.

Some will do their emails from home quietly while others will not touch their emails until later in the day. The morning routine is their personal development, self-care and it helps make sure their energy is high and they are focusing on their vision and goals.

 If, like many others, including me, you have a need to boost your energy and want to feel less distracted and more focused, let’s review a few of the steps you can take to explore what can be your morning routine.

Waking Up
That was one of the hardest steps for me. I was (and still am) a night owl. On average, I slept five hours a night. With three little kids, I was tired all the time. It was fine when I lived, worked, and walked in the Big Apple. When we moved to the suburban way of living, I attended a wellness workshop and learned the sad news that sleeping less than six or seven hours not only screwed up the way my body burned the fat when I worked out, but it was also dangerous to my children. You see, driving with so little sleep was scientifically as if I was driving after drinking two glasses of alcohol! That was enough motivation to say goodbye to almost 40 years of late-night work. 
Some might say that to be successful with what you do you should wake up at 5 am, even 4am. And maybe you are one of the lucky ones who hop out of bed when the alarm clock strikes four. If so, congratulations. But it shouldn’t feel like getting up is the worst part of your day. Remember, your morning routine is about setting the tone for the rest of the day. You need to wake up at the right time for you. The key here, however, is to stick to that wake-up time every single day of the week, including the weekend, and to get at least seven hours of sleep.

 Cheat Sheet: Getting Ready
Getting ready for the day can be more efficient when you take a few moments to prepare for your next day the night before. Set an alarm clock half an hour before you want to get to bed. Some people will even need more than one hour to transition to bed. On the nights I know I will start my morning with a run or another workout routine, I will make sure my workout clothes are waiting for me, ready to go. Seeing the workout clothes in the morning is a commitment to the night-Noa who laid them out the night before and who I will stay accountable to in her plan because I know how easy it is for me to get off track. Staying committed to my night goals keeps my energy up, I know I am aligned with what is important to me: I walk the talk, and I am a woman of my words.

 Mindfulness Routine:
Focus is about feeling centered, it is about being mindful and aware of your choices, and beyond anything else, it is about being present with what needs to get done and with others.

Mindfulness, in a nutshell, is the actions we take to become more aware and present with ourselves.
The list to practice mindfulness is long:

• Walk

• Run

• Yoga

• Writing

• Playing (box game) or an instrument

• Creative work

• Meditation

• Praying

• Working in the garden

• Journaling

• Gratitude

• Nutrition and drinking water 

Different people find value in different activities. This is where experimentation comes into the picture. My approach, after speaking with people who teach meditation, yoga and other mindfulness practices, is that it is less about the time and more about the consistency. But first, you have to learn what works for you and what doesn't. Like with food allergies or sensitivities, when people limit what they eat, after a few weeks they can add it back and see, by tracking what they eat every day, how they feel mentally and physically, and whether some symptoms are back. I suggest doing the same when you engage in mindfulness practices into your day. See how those activities impact your physical health, your emotional well-being, and your goals for the day. For example, if you choose to wake up every day at 6:30, and then meditate for 2 -5 minutes, track how your days look when you engage in these activities and how they look when you don’t. For example: How is your day when you engage in the activity? Does meditation help you sleep better or be more present with your work? Are you more focused and less emotional during the day after clearing your thoughts and emotions through journaling? Are you more energized when you work out? If you do miss a day of your morning routine, don’t be upset. Use this as an opportunity to track any difference that occurs when you remove whatever activities you were practicing.

Goal Setting
The vicious cycle of emails. No matter how hard you try to reduce your emails, there are always more. It is so easy to distract yourself and start your day with emails. Before you open your inbox, take a moment to look at your day and set intentions for the day and week. What are one to three goals you would like to achieve today or this week? Having a shortlist of goals forces you to stay focused. Long lists are great to see the big picture, but on a daily basis choose between one to three you would like to accomplish and stick with them. Having these goals written down and planned out is going to allow you to stay focused, feel more productive, and motivated- and, in the long run, accomplish more.

 Experiment to Find Your System
There is no right way to find your perfect morning routine. It took me almost two years to find mine. First I had to work hard to switch my internal clock from a night owl to early bird and only then I was able to add on. I don’t need to work out first thing in the morning; I didn’t find it to be of much value for keeping me focused throughout the day. However, I do need a certain amount of specific workout routines throughout the week in order to feel good, feel more energetic, and to stay focused. Others will find working out in the morning to be the most important component to make their day perfect for them.
At the end of the day, we are different people with different needs. What makes me stay focused might not be of value to you. Be willing to experiment until you find what works for you.
Most importantly, the key here is to start your morning by setting a tone for what you want your day to look like, as well as to take care of yourself before you dedicate the rest of your day to your work, your family, or whatever else is consuming your attention.