ILPC - Identify, Label, Pause, Choose

We all had those moments when someone or something triggered or annoyed us.  We observe ourselves from the side and can see the inner spark or total silence that is not aligned with what we want. In those moments, we experience our emotions and or thoughts or actions leading us instead of us leading (not controlling) them. They get in our way to head toward the outcome that we want, and we might even hear an inner conversation that sounds somewhat like: "urge, I ted wish I would show up differently." But the frustrating reality is even though we promise ourselves time after time that we will show up differently – we don't.

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership. Are you ready? Let's go. 

 In this article/video, I would like to share a simple framework that can help you lead your emotions or thoughts in a productive way.

 Emotional self-regulation or emotion regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behavior and reactions to feelings, especially strong ones, and calm down after something exciting or upsetting happens.

Same with your thoughts, when you know your thought pattern, you can learn how to lead your thoughts in a new way. I call the framework: ILPC. 

 ILPC stands for Identify, Label, Pause, and Choose. 

 Step 1: Identify

Okay, so you are triggered. The question is, how are you showing up when you're triggered?

When we are triggered, our thought patterns and emotions lead us to unwanted behaviors. This is why it's essential to identify the thought patterns that led to how we show up with our feelings and thoughts. 

 Which of the following is your thought pattern, and when does it show up?

• All-or-Nothing Thinking - Seeing things in black-or-white, zero or one, right or wrong. You will think that it has to be either or. But there are many shades of gray and numbers between zero and one.

• Negative Bias – even though things are going well, you pick one negative detail out and focus on it. 
   If you are a neuroscience geek, please know that the negative Bias is a survival behavior adopted by our ancient brain to keep us safe. Making a mistake could cost our lives; this is why our brain wants us to be aware of the "bad decisions we made" and pay attention to what's NOT working. But in today's reality, most of us do not need to worry about our life all the time. Still, the mechanism stayed.   The cure is to learn how to teach our brain to look at WHAT'S WORKING. We can rewire our brains to see situations from a new perspective and switch how we approach them.

• Overgeneralization - Believing that it "always" happens to you or "never" happens to you – this is when we feel frustrated and defeated. 

• Magnification/minimization - Your special magnifying glass can magnify an issue, making it bigger than it is. Or you're able to minimize the situation and your positive qualities. 

• Mind Reading/Fortune Telling - You jump to a conclusion based on a feeling or thought without any evidence to support it.

• Emotional Reasoning - You believe that whatever you're feeling, it must be so. 
  So how do you show up with your thought patterns, and when? 

Step 2 - Label

So now you know.
The problem is that when we often know that we feel or think in a way that is not aligned with the outcome we want to see, we ignore, avoid or make it small. Why?It goes back to your thought pattern:

• Make it small – well, others have more significant problems. I should not be this way.

• Self-Deprecation – how do I even dare to feel or think this way? I should be positive.

• Ignore/Avoid it – I will work and distract myself.

 The problem with these techniques is research that shows that every time you ignore your emotions and your thoughts, you think about them or feel them 49 times more. 
When we label or name our emotions or thought patterns, we validate what we feel and think. We acknowledge that they exist without needing to fix or delve into them. They are just there to co-exist. They are no good or bad. They are just there.
What can be confusing is that labeling our emotions and thoughts doesn't mean that they will stay there forever. Emotions are not stagnant. They come and go. Even right now, when you read or listen to this idea, you have many thoughts and emotions that show up and disappear. When you trust that this is the idea of thoughts and emotions, that they are energy that goes in and out, that there are not there forever – you can validate them and say: I see you and hear you, I know you are here with me. 

 
Step 3 – Pause & Choose

Now, when we name and validate what we feel and think, we can pause and then choose. Have you ever experienced feeling overwhelmed with emotions or thoughts, and when you shared it with another person, you heard the response: "calm down, let's just take a big breath." 
I can't stand it. Why? Because when people tell me to take a big breath, it feels like I don't have a choice: they are making me do something that makes me feel out of control. I don't feel like taking a big breath; what I want to do at that moment is scream, cry, yell, or lose control of my way. Not their way.

Here is what I do believe taking a big breath is not about calming down. Taking a big deep breath is about a moment of PAUSE This deep breath is because I know my emotions and thoughts are leading me It is an intentional moment for me to pause and choose between two options

- Do I want to stay and let my emotions and thoughts keep leading me?

- Do I want to shift to a new way of being or doing?

Pause doesn't have to be a deep breath; it can be anything that makes YOU PAUSE, to be intentional.  You can stand, take a sip of water, step away from your computer, and make yourself a coffee or tea. My favorite is touching a pulse point on your body (heart, arm) or touching jewelry you wear on one of those pulse points (bracelet, watch, neckless). It can also be a grounding question you write on a sticky note and stick to your computer/laptop screen.

Step 4 – Making an Intentional Choice

Making a choice is a powerful experience. Whether I choose to stay or shift, I respond to a need.
If I choose to stay– that's okay – I am choosing to show up this way. 
The paradox at that moment is that we sometimes want and need to stay. Then the transition is organic and gentle. Most important, we are not on autopilot anymore. It is an intentional choice.
If I choose to shift – I only shift after I check in with myself and ask: 
 What do I need? The answer can be different

• I need to step away

• I need to reach out and ask for support 

• I need to reach out so I can see a new perspective

• Anything else you need

What I love about sharing this system is how empowering it is. Being at a place of choice is empowering to you and others.
It takes time to practice this framework, but finding your way is so liberating.

Remember, first, you identify, then you label or name your emotions or your thoughts, you pause to center yourself, and last, you make an intentional choice. And as a leader, you can use that not only with yourself but also to empower others when you help them develop and grow. Experiment with the ILPC and share with me how it works for you. If you liked this video/article, subscribe and share.

Meet the Saboteur - The Voice that Gets in Your Way from Achieving Your goals.

This article is posted a few days before we step into a new year, 2023.

Maybe you read this article as part of pondering your new year's development plan, or perhaps as part of deciding on your New Year's Resolution, or maybe it is not the beginning of the year, but you design new goals.  

When we step into a new year, we take a moment to reflect and ask ourselves: What is the change we want to create in this new beginning?

When we want to create a change, whether big or small, there might be that little voice, a very nagging voice and still very persistent, that will whisper in your head that action on this change might not be a good idea. 

"You are not good enough to create this change," it might say, or maybe this voice will ask you: "why bother? No one cares," or perhaps it will say: "Do you want to embarrass yourself? You are not ready yet! Make the change when you are REALLY ready. Start with more research and learning but not now – now is big! even huge mistake!!"

 In this article, we will meet this voice and learn how to identify it with us, when and why it shows up, and how we can address it when we feel this voice is taking over and we think we have lost power.

 Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go BEyond with their leadership and their teams. Are you ready to learn more about the Saboteur's voice? Let's go!!

The word Saboteur comes from the French word sabotage, which is the purpose of this voice in our life – to sabotage our way from moving into new action or way of being when we want to create a change. Let's dive deep to get to know this little voice and understand when it likes to grow big in our minds and, if possible, to take over. 

 The Saboteur wants to keep the status quo, to keep you where you are, from moving forward. Because if you act on it, you might fail, get embarrassed, or, worst case scenario, people won't care. So the Saboteur's voice will tell you: "Let's stay here. Here it is safe."

And here is the thing, the more significant the change, the louder the voice of the Saboteur will be. Mainly the voice of the Saboteur will become louder when we want to design a change or already going through a transition. Promotion? Loud, New Relationship? Loud, Starting your own business? Loud, having a baby? Loud, Starting a new job? Loud, Speaking in an event/meeting? Launching your website/publishing a book? Loud, Using a new skill? Loud, Loud, Loud, and that drains your energy. You feel exhausted.

Check-in with yourself. From 1- 10, how loud is the voice of the Saboteur right now in your head?

 How do we learn to identify the voice of the Saboteur?

The Saboteur's voice is very repetitive; it sounds somewhat like a slogan; I broke them into three unique categories: 

1. "You are not good enough" - You don't have good enough skills, you're not smart enough, you're not talented enough, you don't have enough experience. The bottom line, you're not good enough. 

2. "Your work is not good enough" or "You are not there yet!" – this voice urges you to avoid embarrassment and keep learning, researching, not showing up in front of others in meetings or projects, and taking the lead. 

3. "Why even bother?" – no matter how much effort you put into it, people will not appreciate it anyway or see you, so come on! Why bother? Let's get some ice cream and binge on Gossip Girl... 

 I love Shirzad Chamine's extension of this idea that there is more than one voice; actually, we can identify a few other Saboteurs' voices with their persona, and by learning more about them, we can work to lower their volume.

Check out his TED talk about this topic and his assessment HERE. 

So what can we do about this voice? How can we get rid of this voice? That's a great question. 

I don't believe we can eliminate the Saboteur's voice, but I know from working on this area with hundreds of leaders that we can learn how to lower its volume. Here are a few ways to experiment with lowering the Saboteur's volume:

1. Get to know your Saboteur.

The first step is to create awareness by getting to know your Saboteur. Getting to know it means that your focus is to learn it AND NOT to try and fix the situation that it is with you.

Bring curiosity to learn your Saboteur:

What does it sound like? 

What does it say? 

When - in what situations do you notice the Saboteur shows up?

What pronoun it uses; he, she, it, they? For example, one of my clients calls his saboteurs "The Monkey." 

 Again, my invitation is, don't judge yourself when the Saboteur shows up. Stay curious rather than saying: why did it show up - again??? 

 Br playful and say: "Oh! The Saboteur is here! Interesting!!! I am wondering what made it show up right now?. What can I learn from us co-exist together in this moment." 

2. Be the Director of your mind. 

• The first step is to identify new voices that serve you.
  The Saboteur is not you; it is a voice in you. That's an important distinction. When the Saboteur is a voice in me, it is not all of me. When I am the Saboteur, I am getting in my way. 

  Now, as the Director of your mind, you have the control to add more voices. Voices that serve you. For example, The Motivator, The Cheerleader, The Wise one, The Compassionate, The Leader, The Visioner, and The Intuitive one. 

• The second step is to place those voices on your mind stage. 
  If your mind was a stage where each one of these voices is right now? Don't make it beautiful or what you want it to be; if your Saboteur is having the front of the stage, put it there. If your wise one is backstage, that is where it is right now. Be the Director of your mind.

• Move them around
  If you are the Director, you can choose where you want those voices to be. Where will you move each one, for example, if your Saboteur is at the front stage – where if at all, would you move it at? Who will you move to the front?
  We forget we can choose and create a new reality. It is in our power.

 3. Talk to it with supportive data.
Some Saboteur's voices don't exist well with data. With some of the leaders, I work we find data that the Saboteur cannot contradict, and it gets weaker and weaker.
For example: 

Leader": "All my leader-friends are so confident it seems like they are never stressed about anything I am not sure I deserve this new role." 

 Me: "How do you know? Did you ask them?"

Leader "No, I haven't."

 Me: "Would you be willing to ask one of them?"

 Leader: "yes there is a peer I can ask I am meeting with them tomorrow, I can ask them for sure."

Next session:" So I spoke with my peer, they said they are very surprised with my question, they were sure I am never stressed I look so calm to them, it was so funny to realize they see me the same way I see all my peers. Apparently we are all good at hiding stress."

Me: "Hmmm how is your saboteur doing right now?"

Leader: "I don't think it is even here with us, I think it took a nap or something…."

4. Ask for support

 In moments where everything we try is not working, and we feel powerless, we can start by reaching out and asking for support from the people in our life who can remind us that we are resourceful and empower us to see our strengths.

Reach out to your friends, your mentor, a coach, or even your manager to be reminded of the moments you were resourceful and overcame challenges and obstacles to become a better version of yourself. 

 Remember! the Saboteur's role is to keep you where you are, to keep you "safe" from their perspective. You can reach out internally or externally for a new view from new voices that can serve you better. 

 Who is the internal or external voice you will reach out to in those moments?

 If you liked this video and would like to go beyond with leadership, make sure to subscribe for some more

How can being an Extrovert or Introvert impact your energy levels?

A few years ago, I facilitated a workshop with a good friend. Don't you feel energized? I asked her after the workshop. She looked at me and said, "No, I actually feel drained."  This was the first time I realized how impactful it is how extroverted and introverted people experience their energy with others. You see, introverted people work their energy from the inside outside; they give energy to others. They also process their thoughts internally and only then express them externally. On the other hand, extroverted people get their energy from other people and process their thoughts externally; through this external process, they understand their thoughts. 

Whether you are an extroverted or an introverted, or one of them is more dominant (even a bit) than the other, in this article, I will share a few tips that can help you manage your energy better and feel that you are not drained. 

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies just like you to go beyond with their leadership and their teams. Are you ready? Let's go. 

You might have heard about the Myer Briggs assessment, the MBTI. This assessment introduced Carl's Yung Idea of extroversion and introversion. Since then, a few other assessments, like the DISC assessment, engaged the extroversion/introversion energies.

I have to admit that my concern with any assessment is that it puts people in boxes that limit them from seeing more about themselves or others to see them as capable of going beyond their tendencies. 

I heard clients who shared that they are introverted, and that's why they are shy about being with people. Or that extroverted take over conversations and are just too much. Or maybe they can't lead meetings because they are always so quiet, and so on and on.

Those limiting perspectives don't serve how we look at others or ourselves and get in our way of looking beyond.

So let me reframe the idea of extroversion and introversion. I see them as energies.

Energies.

Introverts use their energy from the inside out; they process their thoughts internally before they speak up. But then, after they give their total energy and presence to others, they need to recharge and be quiet. And the belief that they are shy or quiet is old school, they can speak, but they prefer the 1:1 conversation because they prefer thought-through, deeper conversation that creates connection. Now extroverted people work from the outside inside. They talk first because when they speak out loud, they process their thoughts and ideas and get a deeper understanding to move forward. When they are with others, they get energized. That's how they recharge; the more people, the more energy they have.

So how can you support yourself or the people you lead on your team to support both energies?

Introverts

1. Take a break at work.

   • Introverts lose energy in today's hybrid reality, back-to-back meetings with no time to recharge. They need time to be alone. I suggest moving your organization to 45 minutes meetings instead of 60 – you will be more efficient and give people the 15 minutes they used to walk to the next meeting room or their desk to breathe and keep going.

   • Conferences, retreats, team building – design quiet time; some conferences have a quiet room for introverts to read a book, journal, or go outside to be in nature. They need it.

2. Take a break at home. Take time to disconnect, read a book, put on some noise-canceling earphones, go on a walk, meditate, and work in the garden. Anything quiet will recharge your soul and energy.

3. Give people time to write their thoughts. Different people have different needs. In meetings, before you give people time to speak, ask them to take a moment to write down their thoughts and the discussed topic (maybe invite them to think about it in advance). It is a good skill for extroverts to manage their ideas by writing them down before they speak and allowing your introverted team members that need time to think through quietly before they share their thoughts. We must let people be more comfortable with crafting space for quietness and organizing their ideas before speaking. People who mainly don't express themselves will start sharing ideas and input because they feel they have time to organize their thoughts. You might even notice that if before, when you asked questions, the conversation was not rich enough, now when people have time to prepare and feel comfortable to share.

4. Set a time to meet with people 1:1 at work/life
   Introverts love deep conversations. 1:1 can be a great way to get to know people more deeply. I love to grab a coffee and walk with a good friend (walk and talk); some like to set time to sit and work together in a coffee shop or other location. Find your way to create 1:1 opportunities to create deeper connections.

Extroverts:

1. Don't be alone too long - even though Extroverts can enjoy some quiet time when they feel their energy going down; it is a sign to get up and meet some friends.

2. A conference can be a great way to meet new people, learn with a large group, and get some people's time.

3. Group Learning, like group coaching, training, or even an art class, can be another way to be with others and process your thoughts and ideas with others.

4. Moved to a new place? Have you just moved or relocated to a new place or even started a new job? Research outside work groups of your interest or professional associations, in-person events, and learning opportunities; inside work, look for communities or employee resource groups you can be part of.

5. Any group setting can move to 1:1 conversations that can build deeper connections and friendships that will introduce you to new circles and group opportunities. Let's face it, for extroverts, the more, the merrier.

Extroverted or introverted, make sure to pay attention to your energy. 

If you are extroverted that spend too much time alone, and you can sense that your energy is going down, maybe it's time to ask yourself, who can I meet? Or how can I create social opportunities for myself? 

If you are more introverted, do you give your energy to others without recharging? A pause is a place to start and explore how to extend opportunities to recharge along your day and week. 

How do you support your energy level as an extroverted or introverted person or in general? I would love it if you shared it with us in the comments.

If you liked this video/article and would like to keep going beyond with video leadership and support your team, make sure to like and subscribe for more and share with your friends. 

Do you have a leadership momentum? What can you learn from your energy levels right now?

Have you ever asked yourself, what makes you feel momentum with your energy, and on the other hand, what brings your energy down? Let's dive together to get a better understanding of your energy levels.

Hi, I am Noa, and I work with leaders, executives, and founders of companies and their teams to go beyond with your leadership. Are you ready? Let's go.

 Energy is defined as the ability to do the work. Think about it. Energies at work change the state of the matter, from gas to liquid, from liquid to solid. We sometimes forget that the same force of energy that shifts gas to water can also change water back to gas. Why is it important to understand that? Because our energy is the same. Our energy changes all the time.

We need to identify when our energy is high, when we have momentum with our leadership and focus and when our energy is low.

When we have momentum with our energy, this is when we feel that everything we do works for us. When we go to a meeting, we inspire and impact and influence others; we feel focused; it feels great when we do the work. Long story short, we see results.

On the other hand, when our energy is low, we feel that no matter how much we try to push into action, we don't see results. And at times, we can't even bring ourselves into action. It is as if our cup is full, and still, we are trying to pour more and more liquid into it. But no matter how much more liquid we try to pure into it, at the end of the day, all we have left is what's in the cup.

As leaders, when our energy is high, we notice that we have clarity about our purpose, vision, and values. Suddenly when we share our ideas and vision, people get a better understanding and clarity of what we communicate with them. They hear and see how focused we are; there is a sense of alignment that they experience from us.

If you experience high energy right now, know that you have momentum, and I invite you to do everything you can to influence your ideas. Take advantage of this.

 If your energy is low right now, it's okay; remember that energy never stays the same. It is changing. Sometimes it is high, and sometimes it is down. So you must identify it and know where you are.

• Many of us have low energy after we push through an intense project or event in our life that took much of our attention. Like other cycles in life, we need time to recharge to move through the next time we need higher energy. So give yourself time to recover. As some people say, we can't work out in the gym 24/7; it is not efficient or adds value to our bodies.

• Another reason we have low energy is when we lack clarity of the purpose behind our actions and vision. So it might be time for you to do some work to understand the purpose behind what you're trying to achieve or behind your vision. This area can be challenging to do independently, and finding a thoughtful partner to work through your ideas can be very helpful. It could be a peer, your manager, your team, or even a coach or mentor who can challenge your thought process and help you widen your perspective.

•  Another reason our energy can be low is change. There are many thoughts and emotions engaged in the process of change. And when there are so many thoughts and feelings, it's hard for us to move into action. Whether it's a life transition or a work transition, when we go through a change in our lives, we need to redefine who we are in the new situation, which takes a lot of energy from us.
  For example, the COVID-19 reality allowed us to work from home, but now many companies require people to return to the office. Many of the people I know that had to shift from remote work to going back to the office felt their energy dropping down, and even though they try to push into action, it feels like they are pressing the gas pedal on neutral, but the car is not moving. This is the time to pause or slow down and allow your emotions and thoughts of change to be processed and acknowledged without judgment. Emotions, thoughts, and energy are never stagnant. Our thoughts move all the time, our emotions move all the time, and our energy can change too. The more we fight this idea, the longer we stay there. So allow yourself to be with the emotions and thoughts you experience now, and remember they will not be with you forever.
  The funny and even silly thing is that the more you fight your emotions and thoughts about the change with action, the more you will feel stuck and not see the result and energy shift you want.  On the other hand, the sooner you stop the action and acknowledge what you feel and think in a time of change, the faster you experience your energy shift.

Remember, energy changes all the time. Yes, there will be moments when you have momentum, which will be high, strong, and impactful. And there will be other moments when your energy will be minor/low and quiet. It's not about good or bad. It's about paying attention and being more compassionate to yourself or others when they or you need to recover.

Be curious, not judgmental about your energy shift. What can you learn from each of the energies you experience?

 If you liked this video and article and would like to go beyond with the leadership, subscribe for more, or share with someone you think can get value from this article or video. Sharing is caring!

Are you a Be-Er or a Do-Er?

Since we were little kids, we learned that actions are what the adults expect from us; "be a good boy and clean up your room," "be a good girl and do your homework." And when we do take on these actions, we are being seen and rewarded. So what do we do? We focus on actions. 
Yes, for many of us, it is natural to be doers and focus on actions.
 But is it the only way we show up? I believe some of us are DO-ers, and some of us are BE-ers. 

 In today's video and article, I will help you identify your inner tendency. Are you leaning towards doing or being? Are you a Do-er? Or a Be-er? 

Are you the one mainly focusing on actions? You have a to-do list, plan all the time, and run fast. If that's you, you are a doer who focuses more on actions than your emotions or others' emotions. Who has time to talk or explore them? And maybe, at times, it can be easier to focus on work and, this way, avoid getting in touch with big emotions that are uncomfortable. If that's you, you are a Doer; this is your tendency. 

 And maybe this is you; you feel that your emotions lead you; whether it is a room filled with people or a 1:1 meeting, you can sense the energy in the room. At times it can feel too much, or it can feel that you must protect others or your emotions, and that might bring to lashing out. Having all emotions surrounding you requires you to take a break, breathe, recharge and maybe even recover, and at times even take a day off. If that's you, you are a Be-er who is led by your emotions.

 And maybe this is you; your thoughts lead you. You feel like your peers know much more than you. And there is so much more that you can learn. You need to learn more and get more data; you need to hold on to action before you are sure you have enough information. This makes you an expert at what you do, and many people come for your advice. If this is you - you are led by your thoughts; you think before you act. You are Be-er led by thoughts.

 Which one are you?
Are you being led by your actions, by your emotions, or by your thoughts?
 You might respond: "Well, it depends on the situation."  I agree you could show up differently in different situations, and the more aware we are, the more agile we are to show up in different ways.  Still, we all have a tendency, and we lean toward this tendency when we are stressed or overwhelmed. Where do you go when you are stressed or overwhelmed? For example, when I am stressed, I will lean toward the actions first and check in with my emotions and thoughts. What is your tendency?

 Is it bad?

No, doing is not better than being, and being is not better than doing. It is essential to create awareness and learn how to work with it with your leadership, especially when you are stressed, and learn how to work with peers, your leaders, and direct reports when you identify if they are do-ers or be-ers.

 So what can you do or be when you learn your tendency?

If you are a Be-er, you will go first to your emotions or thoughts before moving to actions. The value in that is that in moments when the doers will go too quickly into action, you will slow them down and keep them from getting into trouble, even risk that is too big. Keep challenging the team by asking questions like:

• Have you checked what people feel about this move?

• Have you checked what you think about this move?

• Have we collected enough data to move into action? What's missing?

• How do you know that this is the right move?

 On the other hand, it is also essential to move into action, and people can get frustrated if you slow them or the process to collect more data, learn more, or believe that we can't start because everyone is concerned about the change.

What can you do differently to avoid these blind spots?

 Be-er feelings

• Sometimes, you assume that everyone FEELS the same as you do. Each time I send my leader-be-ers who are led by emotions to go and have a conversation with people, they learn that many do not feel the same.  Could it be that not everyone feels like you? Don't assume. Ask.

• Could it be that you over-protect your team and can give them more work or opportunities? Ask, don't assume.

• Recharge alone – you have a tendency to give. Take time to be alone and manage your energy.

 Take a few moments in the morning, noon, and afternoon to ask yourself – how do I feel? What do I need? And listen to your needs.

BE-er Thoughts

- Yes, you are a Subject Matter Expert, and probably your team too – but at times, the overdoing of learning and diving costs you in being recognized. Until you think it is enough, someone else takes the lead (and risks) of doing it and receives the recognition.

- When is it going to be enough? It feels that no matter how much you learn, you want more data and more info. Stop and ask, "with the information I have, what the first step is I can take."

- If you can't move into action, find a doer, an accountability partner, or a coach that will ask you: What is the first step you can take with the information you have right now?

Doers
You like to run fast and don't like when people slow you down. But being slowed down or even stopped. It might be a sign for you to lean back and ask yourself: 

• Why am I being slowed down?

• What information or data have I neglected to collect that I am being slowed down or stopped by others?

• Collect the data your BE-ers challenge you to collect: the numbers, thoughts, and emotions you were missing. You love a good conversation, so go and talk with a few people and ask them direct questions that you feel so comfortable asking, like:

• What are you concerned about?

• What do you think I am ignoring right now?

• Where can you challenge my thinking?

 Remember, doing is not better than being, and being is not better than doing. We need those two energies to bring out the best in ourselves, our company, and our teams to thrive. 

 We need to challenge each other.

When the team or individuals lean toward emotions, we can invite digging more into data and action.

 When the team is digging deep into the data and is slow on the action, it is time to ask: What is the first step we can take with the data we have right now?

 And when the team is running too fast to action, we can challenge them to look at data they might have missed with emotions and numbers.

 Diversity can come in different ways, and to help your organization, your team, and yourself to thrive, make sure you have both do-ers and be-ers with their emotions, thoughts, and actions to support each other. What is one step you can take to move forward with the information you have learned in this article and video?

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External Vs. Internal Accountability - How to Achieve Your Goals Without Going Against Yourself.

 Setting your goals is mostly the easy part of achieving your goals. The hardest part is committing to them. I find that many of us cannot create a consistent commitment to our goals and achieve them not because we are lazy, procrastinators, or lack motivation but because many of us work against ourselves. We don't understand the mechanism of how we can achieve goals, and that's why we fail.

 To better understand our motivation to act, we must understand the difference between external and internal accountability. 

Internal accountability:

If you are motivated by internal accountability, that means that when you tell yourself that you are going to act on a goal, you WILL follow your goals at the time you allotted for it. 

External Accountability:

On the other hand, if you have found yourself wondering why it is so easy for you to be accountable for your team or friends, but it's so challenging to be accountable to yourself, you are one of the people who are motivated by external accountability. By the way, most of us are motivated by external accountability. 

Remember I shared that you can go against yourself by setting your goals? Let's see how you can go with the system that is right for you. 

Systems for people who are motivated by external accountability:

External Accountability
To accomplish your goals, create systems that lean on one person or a group. 

One on One

• Accountability Partner. 
   An accountability partner is someone you partner with to achieve similar goals; business goals, weight goals, workout goals - in a nutshell, you want to achieve the same goals. 
  For example, my accountability partner and I have supported each other's business for several years. We challenge each other, brainstorm ideas to support each other's businesses, share each other's knowledge, resource and network to support each other, and we also make sure to remind each other to spend time on self-care. To gain excellent results from having an accountability partner, I recommend co-designing what will motivate you to stay accountable and committed to each other's goals. Before you have the conversation with another person, start by asking yourself who can be the right persona to keep you accountable.

** You can find more information on establishing accountability partnerships in the links below. 
Click Here and get your accountability checklist

• Pets
  Yes, an accountability partner can also be a pet. For example, I had a few clients who got dogs to start walking, focus on self-care, or running to change workout habits or wake up early in the morning.

One to Many  
An accountability partner can be a one-on-one partnership, but it can also be a group partnership.

• Mastermind or Group Coaching - One of the ways to establish a group partnership is mastermind, or other groups that help each team member achieve their goals. These groups can be virtual groups that meet on Zoom or other online options or in person. I believe that the best ones are groups that focus on a specific topic, like speaking skills or growing your leadership skills or business.

• Online

  • Online forums - you can use online forums or other groups to achieve your goals and do it at your own pace and time with less personal commitment.

  • Social Media - Some people gain from posting online to their community about how they will commit to achieving a goal.
    Being accountable to the people who follow me on social media made me commit to my goals. For example, when I wanted to get better at online videos, I posted on social media that every time I ran, I would post a video and share my thoughts and my ideas from the run. This is how I established "on the run" videos that were on my social media accounts for almost three years.

Internal Accountability. 

1. Gamification

Some of the people that are motivated internally are also competitive. If you are inspired by competition, create a game with rules that will encourage you to stay competitive to achieve your goals. Here is how you can use the system of gamification. 

• The first step, write down all the goals you want to achieve.

• The second step is you give each goal points. And here is the competitive part: the more challenging the goal is for you, the higher the issues you will assign for these goals.
  For example, Let's say that writing an email is an easy goal for you, then you will assign it one point. And networking is a goal that is quite challenging for you, so you will get 100 points if you go to a networking event and speak with at least one person; if you talk with five, maybe you will even get more points.

• The next step is to decide how many points you want to achieve at the end of the week.

• Repeat the system each week and adapt the numeric weekly goals.

And you can even go the Hybrid way here. Some people I know use the same system to compete against their accountability partner - what a great way to engage both gamification and accountability partners!

The most important is:

1. Don't go against yourself.

2. Don't feel limited by playing against yourself; you are more than welcome to use this system with others.

3. If you are motivated by external accountability, create the systems with another person or a group. If you are internally motivated, ask yourself how you can make competitive goals to achieve the challenging goals that are important to you.

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